Adele has frequently opened up about her relationship struggles through her tear-jerking songs. But in an interview with Vanity Fair, she spoke out for the first time about her struggles with motherhood and even postpartum depression. She said she is currently afraid of having a second child because of the postpartum depression she suffered after her son, Angelo, was born.
She said she didn't take antidepressants but felt uncomfortable talking to anyone about it at first. "I had really bad postpartum depression after I had my son, and it frightened me," she said. "One day I said to a friend, 'I fuckin' hate this,' and she just burst into tears and said, 'I fuckin' hate this, too.' And it was done. It lifted."
She said she felt like a terrible mother and eventually realized she needed time to herself every once in a while, and that's OK. "I felt very inadequate; I felt like I'd made the worst decision of my life. [Depression] can come in many different forms," she said. "Eventually I just said, 'I'm going to give myself an afternoon a week, just to do whatever the fuck I want without my baby.' A friend of mine said, 'Really? Don't you feel bad?' I said, 'I do, but not as bad as I'd feel if I didn't do it.'"
When told she was brave to have a child at the peak of her career, she didn't see it that way at all. "I think it's the bravest thing not to have a child; all my friends and I felt pressurized into having kids, because that's what adults do," she said. "I love my son more than anything, but on a daily basis, if I have a minute or two, I wish I could do whatever the fuck I wanted, whenever I want. Every single day I feel like that."
Nowadays, Adele says she hasn't felt depressed since her bout with postpartum depression and says that she's had to reevaluate the idea of free time now that Angelo is in her life. "You're constantly trying to make up for stuff when you're a mom," she said. "I don't mind, because of the love I feel for him … I don't care if I don't ever get to do anything for myself again."
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