1. The person who responds to your text nine days later. Four days after the Sunday brunch you invited her to in the first place.
2. The person you can only see if you plan three weeks in advance. So by the time your date rolls around, you've not only forgotten about it entirely, you've also made plans to fly to see your mom and have to cancel. But can you reschedule for three Tuesdays from now, she wants to know?
3. The person who says she doesn't care where you have dinner but then suggests three places she wants to try after you and one or two other people pick a place. Breaking news: no one actually likes having to pick the restaurant so if you have a hankering don't hold back, girl!
4. The person who is gluten-free because they think it will do something to their body or face that it obviously won't. If you have a reason to be gluten-free, sympathies abound. If you're just doing it because you think it will make you less fat or the pimple on your forehead go away and are then causing issues with restaurant selection because gluten is in everything, no one has sympathy for you.
5. The person who is "free whenever" but is actually not free whenever. This person is also known as "too lazy to check a calendar or remember plans that have been previously made with others."
6. The person who will call you when she's done with work but doesn't know when that will be. Because sitting around waiting for you to stop writing email that could probably wait is a great use of everyone else's time.
7. The person who needs to reschedule four times and then gets offended when you give up. In the time it takes to discuss all these plans that never happen, we could have had dinner twice. With fro yo after.
8. The person who will only meet at places within a two-block radius of their place, and never come to you. These people also always make you meet them at terrible restaurants or the worse park. They wouldn't know better things exist because they are too lazy or faux-busy to travel more than half a mile.
9. The person you wanted to have a Serious Catch-up with but says she hopes you don't mind if "my new friend from work" joins at the last minute. No one wants to have dinner with someone's friend they're meeting for the first time. Even if they have a buffer in the form of a Known Friend.
10. The person who always brings a boyfriend. Now I can't talk to you about that blow job thing that just happened. Great! That was half the point of this dinner.
11. The person who is always late. Even when you lie to her about the time.
12. The person who is late despite the fact that you have a reservation and they won't seat you until the whole party is there. You spend your waiting time agonizing over whether or not you're going to lose your table and when they do arrive you don't even feel like having dinner with them.
13. The person who makes her plans around when her dog will need to be walked. Because the dog always needs to be walked. DOGS.
14. The person who doesn't have a full-time job or a 9 to 5, but knows you have a full-time 9 to 5 and still asks you on a Tuesday if you're working tomorrow.
15. The person who invites you to a workout class and then flakes. Some people only spin if their friend asks them because it's a way to see that person. Take away the friend and it's just HELL but you already paid for it so you choose to suffer alone.
16. People who don't understand that sometimes you have to show up to movies 40 minutes early to get seats. And if you go alone, you cannot save all three seats! #stress
17. The person who is sooooo busy but could "squeeze you in" for a quick drink before her other plans. Well, I could squeeze you in during commercial breaks, how about that?
18. The person who wants you to meet them at what they're already doing. Even though they're with people you don't know or don't like and the event "may or may not end in 45 minutes—hurry!"
19. The person who wants you to meet them at 8:30 on a weeknight. When you finish work at 6 and go to bed at 10. But your friend wants to "go out" after with her other friends so it's this or nothing.
20. Flakes. Especially when they don't show up to your birthday after RSVP'ing yes.
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