In January 2014, Kesha announced she was checking herself into rehab for treatment of an eating disorder, telling fans and reporters she wanted to "learn to love myself again, exactly as I am." The "Tik Tok" singer recently spoke to Vogue about her journey over the past year
, opening up about the moment she chose to seek treatment and more.
"I went to a dark place," Kesha said of the time before she decided to seek treatment. She said she spent a lot of time not eating and feeling sick to the point of almost fainting. "The worse it got, the more positive feedback I was getting," she said. "Inside I was really unhappy, but outside, people were like, 'Wow, you look great.'"
She also told the magazine she had difficulty reconciling the self-empowered lyrics she was performing with her internal struggles:
I was singing these songs like "We R Who We R," and I really believed them. I wanted to be genuine. But I was sad and [I wasn't eating]. That's not good for your body, metabolism, or brain. I talked to my therapist, and she said, 'I think it's time we take a moment to address this.' I called my mom one night and I told her, "I need help." I went to an eating-disorder specific rehab site where a nutritionist taught me that food is a positive thing for your body. I realized being healthy is the most important thing I can do for myself. Now, I'm trying to embrace the skin I'm in. It's difficult sometimes. Every day I have to look in the mirror and make the choice to be kind to myself. This is who I am—I have to love that.
Now, the singer says she stays away from negativity, especially the kind found on the Internet. (Sigh. We can't have nice things.)"Part of being healthy is being positive," she said. "I don't pay attention to the Internet or bloggers. I surround myself with positive people."
Welcome back, Kesha, and congratulations on your recovery.