I Started Avoiding the Spotlight Because of My Hair—Here's What Helped Me Step Back Into It

Societal beauty standards can impact even the most confident person in the room. From the outside, I come across as a bright, bubbly blonde, but I've battled anxiety, low self-esteem, and hair thinning due to an eating disorder. I deeply appreciate people like Kelly Uchima, who openly share their stories and help people like me know that I'm not alone.

"For me, hair has always been tied to identity, insecurity, comparison, and this feeling that maybe the prettiest version of a girl did not look like me," the half-Chinese, half-Japanese content creator tells me. When she was just ten years old, her low self-worth and anxiety manifested into an eating disorder and trichotillomania, a hair-pulling disorder.

If you have ever struggled with comparison, we hope that this vulnerable conversation will offer you the comfort of knowing that there's light at the end of the tunnel.

Marie Claire: Can you tell me about your journey with trichotillomania and hair damage?

Kelly Uchima: I thought trichotillomania was something I had to hide forever. What has been so wild is that when I finally started talking about it publicly, the response was enormous. I made videos talking about how I struggle with pulling coarse, wiry hairs and how compulsive and hard to explain it can be. Those videos ended up getting 19 million views across three posts, and so many people messaged me saying they felt seen. I couldn't believe I'd spent my whole childhood and so many years of my life feeling ashamed of this thing, only to find out so many other people understood it immediately.

Then, I went blonde in Japan in 2025. I made this dramatic decision that I wanted to walk into a salon with my natural black hair and walk out bleached blonde in one day. I kept getting my roots touched up in Los Angeles from April to June with my hair girl, Sara, and my hair was totally fine. Then I went to a very expensive, well-known salon on the Upper East Side in New York, and that is when everything changed. She was only supposed to touch up my roots, but instead she combed the bleach down into my ends, which had already been bleached, and my hair started breaking off.

MC: As someone in the public eye, how has the health of your hair affected your confidence? Do you find yourself shying away from the spotlight more or spending more time getting ready to hide your hair?

KU: I share my life online, so when I feel bad about my hair, I can't really ignore it. Once the bleach damage happened, the stress of trying to hide it made everything worse. Getting ready stopped feeling fun and started feeling like a problem I had to solve. How do I hide the breakage? How do I make [my hair] look thicker? How do I make it look even? It was exhausting. I definitely started hiding in small ways. I wore hats all the time. I said no to plans. I avoided things I normally would have gone to. I felt like I had to manage my hair before I could even think about being present. Hair issues really can change how willing you are to be seen. And when it's already tied to deeper stuff like trichotillomania and long-term insecurity, it hits even harder.

MC: What are your initial thoughts after testing the Nutrafol Women's Vegan Nutraceutical Supplement?

KU: My initial thoughts were relief, honestly. After everything my hair had been through, I was craving something that felt supportive instead of just reactive. For so much of this journey, I felt like I was just trying to cover things up, hide damage, wait for growth, not spiral, repeat. So starting Nutrafol Women's Vegan felt like I was finally doing something intentional for my hair instead of just panicking about it. I also liked the feeling of supporting my hair from the inside out. After such a long stretch of feeling helpless, that mattered to me a lot emotionally.

MC: What are your thoughts on the myNutrafol app? Do you find it helpful for staying committed to your hair health routine and tracking progress?

KU: I do! What I like about the app is that hair progress is so slow when you're living through it in real time, and when you’re already emotional about your hair, it's really easy to get discouraged and convince yourself nothing is happening. The app made the whole process feel more structured and easier to stay on top of. Instead of just staring at my hair and wondering if it was getting better, I felt more grounded in an actual routine. And I think that matters so much, especially when your hair story has gotten emotional. It helped me feel more consistent, more patient, and less like I was just sitting around waiting and obsessing.

MC: What does being confident mean to you?

KU: Being confident to me means not spending so much time wishing I looked like someone else. It feels like appreciating what I already have instead of constantly comparing [myself] to someone else, and I put in a lot of hard work to get here.

My hair still matters to me, but now it's not carrying my whole identity the way it used to. Feeling confident, fulfilled, self-loving, and beautiful from the inside out took real work for me. And I think that matters just as much as anything visible on the outside.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.