My friends boyfriend recently told her they needed to take a break. He said it would help him figure out if they were meant for one another. My question is: Dont you figure that out by spending time with each other?
Doing your own thing within a relationship is healthy separation, but taking time apart to figure things out is not good. If you love someone, you enjoy being around them and you would never think of being apart. If you need a break to figure out your feelings, chances are your feelings are not that strong.
Theres a difference between breaking up and a break. A break indicates the relationship is off temporarily, with the possibility of getting back together. Breaking up is a definite ending with no indication that you will ever get back together again. Therefore, a break is more unfair than breaking up because its less clear.
From a guys perspective, a break usually hints at something bad. And, most of the time, a guy sugarcoats his reasons, saying it's ultimately for the best, or will help him figure things out. No relationship is perfect, and a break may help in some situations, but whenever there are questions/doubt about feelings, it can't be good.
Because its so vague, its tough to know what a break really means. Here are a few possibilities:
Some guys are too chicken to break up in one shot. So, they do it in pieces. He might want you to take the hint when he doesnt call and disappears during a break. Even if you get through the break and date again, he may have attained his goal by planting a seed hinting at a breakup down the line.
Theres Someone Else
Many of my friends describe their horrible behavior while they were "on a break" from their serious relationships. The easiest way to keep your boyfriend or girlfriend, while giving in to that meaningless temptation, is get it out of your system while on a break. And if there is not someone specific, the person who asks for a break may want the freedom to hook up with other people.
Wait for Me While I Play
If someone does not specifically say they are "breaking up with you," then you still have hope, dont you? And they may leave this opening on purpose because they want to return to you after they do whatever they have to do during this break.
My friend continues to say, "This is just a break and we will end up together." So, shes pretty much waiting for her boyfriend to get through the break period and return to her, after he confirms that he loves her. But she doesnt know what hes up to, and maybe hes never coming back at all. Hoping for his return prevents her from moving on, so he can come back whenever he wants to.
Lets See Other People
"Figuring out if youre meant for each other might simply mean they want to date other people to see if theres someone better out there than you.
The "break" is an unfair because its a middle ground: not broken up, but not together. The person who asks for a "break" is in total control: They are doing whatever they need to do, and youre left wondering what youre supposed to do, especially if your goal is to stay together. They dont have to pick up your calls, or see you. And they are pretty sure youll wait around for them.
I don't condone waiting around for someone after theyve asked for a break. The best thing to do is move on. Even if they still like you, they wont take you for granted if they realize they could lose you. So, instead of wondering and trying to predict, you should make the best use of this "break" time for yourself.
What are your thoughts on the differences between "taking a break," and "breaking up"? Do you agree that a "break" is vague and usually means something bad, and a break is not necessary to figure out if you like someone? Has a "break" ever worked out for you and your significant other? Do women mean the same thing when they ask for a "break"?
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