In my experience, time is the only no-fail remedy for breaking up. One day you wake up andyou're stronger and ready to move on. But until then, it's agonizing pain and analysis of what went wrong and "how could they have done this, I thought they loved me?"
Empty time after a breakup is dangerous-it allows you to look back and over analyze. A good breakup remedy does the following:
- Fills time productively
- Improves you
- Gives you the illusion that the time is moving faster rather than slower
Hopefully, if you try some of the following remedies, you will be over that ex before you know it:
A Glass Of Wine with a Friend
Excessive drinking has never chased away the pain for me. In fact, I've drunk dialed exes, confronted exes at parties or bars, or just felt miserable all on my own. After all, alcohol is a depressant. But a drink or two-- in moderation-- with a friend can help loosen you up and take the edge off from time to time if you're feeling anxiety after your breakup. Just avoid treating wine like a cure or your only friend as Neil Diamond does in "Red Red Wine".
A Song
Despite "Red Red Wine," there are a lot of songs that can help soften a breakup. It's nice to hear someone else feeling the ame pain, or a song about getting over a breakup. My favorite breakup song is still "Your Ex-Lover Is Dead," by Stars.
Shopping
I have shopped during emotional low points. Wearing new clothes makes me feel confident. There is also a social aspect of shopping because you are usually with friends, consorting with other shoppers and sales people. You've been spending a lot of money on your ex in the past, now it's time to spend some money on you.
Exercise
After a breakup there's angry anxious energy you need to work out. No use pacing around your room, thinking about how things could have been different. Hit the treadmill, pump some iron, hit a punching bag, or take a yoga class. You'll improve yourself while taking your mind off the breakup, and burn that negative energy.
Friends, Family, Fun
Post breakup is the best time to remember that you have friends and family that will do anything for you. You've devoted a lot of time in the past to your ex-now's your chance to re-connect with everyone, and cry on some trusted shoulders. Definitely go out with your friends every chance you get-meet new people and have some fun.
I would suggest talking about the breakup for a bit with friends and family, and then moving on. The less you talk about it, the less it will be on your mind. I've been that guy who talked my friends/family's ears off after a breakup, and they don't deserve that burden. No matter how many times you discuss or repeat something about the breakup, it won't change the fact that you and your ex are no longer together.
So you were in a long relationship, and you didn't have as much time to play guitar, read that long book, or take up the drums. Now's your chance to do it. I need my geek time, which usually consists of Wikipedia, reading or even bird-watching when I'm at my parents house. All of this stuff relaxes me.
There will be times you want to contact the ex and give them a piece of your mind. Don't do it. Instead, write in a journal or an email to yourself. It doesn't have to be "beautiful" writing. Writing is a wonderful catharsis for intense emotion. In fact, after you write what you need to write, you don't even have to look at it again if you're not inclined to.
Didn't Make the Cut:
Travel
At first glance, travel would seem like a great chance at self-discovery, and an opportunity to get your mind off things. But in my experience, right after a breakup, whenever I travel to an amazing place I think to myself: "it would be so incredible if she was here to see this place with me."
A New Lover
Going right out and meeting someone to get over an ex is not fair to you, or that new lover. People shouldn't be used as stepping stones. You won't be ready to be with someone else until you've gotten over the ex, and become comfortable being alone. So don't make this mistake.
What are your thoughts on my remedies? Do you agree that time is the underlying remedy to deal with a breakup? Do you have any no-fail breakup remedies?
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