It's natural when you're reading real-estate sell-y thingies to go, "Whoa. Calm down with the metaphors, dude." But listing agent Adam Modlin was not effing around when he described Demi Moore's $75 million penthouse as "the last unicorn of Manhattan" and "a floating mansion…sun-filled with just the right balance of heavenly light…through its picture-perfect windows framing the best views Manhattan has to offer from every angle."
After giving the New York Times exclusive access to her princess tower suspended in the clouds, Moore has put it on Zillow, where you can read poetic words about the six-bedroom, 7.5-bathroom triplex she bought with Bruce Willis in 1990 and imagine what it's like living across from Bono. Would you fly paper planes into his window? Would you string together two tin cans and whisper that you despise him for uploading those free songs onto your iPhone?
Moore hasn't occupied it for years but tells the Times "this apartment is too magnificent not to be lived in full time." Won't you have a look? Fair warning, though: Even if you did manage to cough up the cash, know that the co-op board once rejected Madonna.
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I'm Chelsea Peng, the assistant editor at MarieClaire.com. On my tombstone, I would like a GIF of me that's better than the one that already exists on the Internet and a free fro-yo machine. Besides frozen dairy products, I'm into pirates, carbs, Balzac, and snacking so hard I have to go lie down.
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