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October 14, 2008

20 Things Not to Do At Your Office Holiday Party

girls and guys dancing

Dress, $3300, Lanvin.Dress, $560, Max Mara.Dress, $4000, bodysuit, $475, Alessandro Dell'Acqua; shoes, $640, Jimmy Choo. Dress, $3900, Blugirl by Blumarine; tank, $17, American Apparel.

Photo Credit: Philip Gay

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What do you get when you mix work-weary employees with gratis booze and garland?
Plummeting productivity and averted eyes come the next day at work.

Below, some office-party pitfalls you should definitely sidestep . . . lest morning-after regret is on your wish list this year. Don't . . .

1. Enforce the mistletoe rule: Make out with your boss, intern, or the significant other of either.

2. Interpret "dress festive" to include anything that could be worn as lingerie.

3. Split a bottle of anything with your assistant.

4. Wear reindeer ears and antlers.

5. Shovel shrimp from the buffet table onto your plate like it's your last meal.

6. Use a lull in conversation to force your table to watch you try to tie a cherry stem into a knot. This should especially be avoided if it takes you 25 minutes to do it.

7. Dance on anything other than the floor.

8. Use the open bar as an opportunity to get your boss - or yourself - plastered and ask for a promotion.

9. Sit on Santa’s (a.k.a. Eduardo from IT) lap.

10. Wear a holiday sweater.

11. Spend all night schmoozing with the interns.

12. Drink too much and share how you really feel about everyone in your department.

13. Wear a mistletoe headband.

14. Talk about work the whole time. It's not the time or place for a heated discussion about network security.

15. Hit on a coworker's spouse.

16. Hit on a coworker's very mature-looking teenage son.

17. Stand next to Ellen from Accounting, who gets amorous when she drinks.

18. Anything in the presence of a camera that you wouldn't want photographic evidence of in the company newsletter.

19. Raid the open bar like it’s an ex’s wedding reception.

20. Invite the boss to the after-party.

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