• Give a Gift
  • Customer Service
  • Promotions
  • Videos
  • Blogs
  • Win
  • Games

February 19, 2008

First Date: Return of the Frat Boy

Sex, love, dating advice and help.

Photo Credit: RS

Special Offer

It was my first date with a 31-year-old Wall Street type, who seemed charmingly dorky in his light-color jeans and tucked-in button-down. We were halfway done with our first glasses of wine at a dimly lit place, feeling cozy and chatting about our families, our jobs, and his love of dogs. The banter was reasonably witty, punctuated with a little forearm- and knee-touching. Then he started to tell me about a recent hookup he'd had with another woman.

He told me he took her back to his place. "Why not?" he said, rolling his eyes. "I figured maybe I'd get a blow job." It went downhill from there. He described her nude in his bed, the fumbling foreplay, then mocked her desires and physical responses — all the while clocking my reaction. As the story reached its climax, he started aggressively pumping his arm, mimicking her pelvic thrusts, ultimately explaining why he — and all of his friends — now call her the Bowling Ball Girl. (Trust me, you don't want to know.)

Yes, I laughed along. I love a raunchy story, and I know the value of a peek into the male psyche. But really, beneath the giggles, I felt paralyzed — caught between modern-woman swagger and a craving for sensitivity, delicacy, chivalry. Is that so retro? Could he really think that talk was turning me on? Or was he testing me?

For women these days, there's such a premium on being able to take everything like a man. And while that's a total cinch at the office, the real test comes after-hours, when the male/female dynamic is still in violent flux. Yes, we've managed to break free of the goofy, confining dating rules of our moms' era. But what are the new rules? Do crude anecdotes about previous exploits pass for foreplay at a time when women are bedmates, good friends, and the ones who might steal your job?

Needless to say, my first date with that lovely guy was my last. I may be modern and tough, but I'm a woman — not a frat boy. And I'm cool with the difference.

This Is A Developing Story
Connect with Marie Claire:
daily giveaway
Win a year’s supply of makeup products from Maybelline New York and a year’s supply of hair products from Kérastase.

Win a year’s supply of makeup products from Maybelline New York and a year’s supply of hair products from Kérastase.

enter now
You Know You Want More
More From Relationship Advice
What Do You Do When Your Boyfriend Has a Terrible Apartment?

Sorry, dude, a gross place is totally justification for relationship eviction.

What Men Prefer Women Wear on Dates

Men might not always notice your haircut but there are a few fashion items that simply turn them off.

Single With Siggy: The 'Stand-In Boyfriend'

This month, our wingwoman Siggy Flicker advises Erica Citrin, a preschool teacher intermittently involved with—and hung up on—a close friend.

post a comment

Special Offer
Link Your Marie Claire Account to Facebook

Marie Claire already has an account with this email address. Link your account to use Facebook to sign in to Marie Claire. To insure we protect your account, please fill in your password below.

Forgot Password?

Thanks for Joining

Your information has been saved and an account has been created for you giving you full access to everything marieclaire.com and Hearst Digital Media Network have to offer. To change your username and/or password or complete your profile, click here.

Your accounts are now linked

You now have full access to everything Marie Claire and Hearst Digital Media Network have to offer. To change your settings or profile, click here.