Worst Dressed: Rebecca Im wearing a three-year-olds art project Miller; this pains me to say, but: Ellen Im wise beyond my years and will prove it by wearing my great- grandmother's clothes Page; Tilda Swintons black silk trashbag (psst: Next time, try a little lip gloss); and Renee Zellweger. Yes, The Carolina Herrera dress was smashing, as always, but playing with her cropped hair every time the camera panned to her just highlighted her insecurityand a haircut like that needs the tude to properly rock it. Also, Hilary Swank for wearing a Versace gown that looked like a Halle Berry cast-off and Nicole Kidman for appearing as if she walked through jeweled barbed wire on the way to the tent.
Best moments: The Gary Busey dustup with Seacrest featuring an amused Laura Linney and a not so amused Jennifer Garner on E!; anything Jason Bateman said to anyone on the red carpet, ever; ABCs red carpet host Regis Philman (seriously?) calling Javier Bardem Xavier Bardem just seconds before broadcast (so close, Reeg!); Michael Bays AWESOME Verizon commercial; Spike Lee and Wesley taxman Snipes new barbershop duo (how else can one explain the bow ties and hats?); Javier Bardems shoutout to his momma en Espanol; James McAvoy and Josh Brolin's famous-lines-in-bad-accents schtickor really any moment the camera rested on McAvoy; Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill as Halle Berry and Dame Judi; the Before They Had Stylists montage of Best Actress winners; Marion Cotillard's adorable speech (aka, The Cuba Gooding, Jr. Moment); Harrison Ford lighting up and Calista looking bored as hell when Cate Blanchett took the stage; Tilda Swintons hilarious jab at George Clooneys nuppled Batman suit; the adorable Once winnersand that Jon Stewart brought the chick back out onstage to finish her thank yous after being cut off; the eerily circumspect Owen Wilson; the Coen brothers non-speeches, Ruby Dee reacting to her own performance clip from American Gangster as if floored by her own work.
Worst moments: All of those painful Enchanted songs. Really, is that the best we can dopaint-by-numbers tunes by the relentless Alan Mencken? Hal Holbrook not winning anything (can he adopt me? Please?); the binocular and periscope parody tribute that fell oh-so-flat; the slippery spot to the left of the stage that Colin Farrell (his mom was his datedid she seriously not tell him to comb his hair?) and John I avoided that problem by spraying my hair on Travolta almost wiped out on; the popularity contests that is the Dead People montage (cue the Applause-o-Meter. And whyd they skip Brad Renfro?); ending way past my Sunday night bedtime.