Universe whisperer Amy Schumer has already received an offer to become the next Bachelorette, but her heart is set on the Real Housewives of Secaucus. Or Cincinnati. Or wherever they want her to move.
In a new video parodying another tenet of 20-something female life, Jon Stewart's allllmost replacement auditions for the Bravo franchise because she owns a body-con sequined dress and can do the wiggle/up-nod title sequence dance that's strangely reminiscent of Selena Gomez's Taylor Swift impression. Oh, plus this: "I'm all of those things. I'm real. I'm in the house a lot. I am not a wife, but I have had sex with a lot of married people."
Have you ever been more ready for anything in your entire life? Watch below.
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![](https://hips.hearstapps.com/hmg-prod.s3.amazonaws.com/images/gettyimages-169770386-1627104472.jpg?crop=1.00xw:0.754xh;0.00160xw,0.111xh&resize=480:* "Show At "Chime For Change: The Sound Of Change Live" Concert")