Amy Schumer Would Be the Greatest Real Housewife the World Has Ever Known

"I don't need a man, but I want one. Any one."

Sleeve, Collar, Shoulder, Standing, Joint, , Waist, Style, Formal wear, Blazer,
(Image credit: Getty)

Universe whisperer (opens in new tab) Amy Schumer has already received an offer to become the next Bachelorette (opens in new tab), but her heart is set on the Real Housewives of Secaucus. Or Cincinnati. Or wherever they want her to move.

In a new video parodying another tenet of 20-something female life, Jon Stewart's allllmost replacement (opens in new tab) auditions for the Bravo franchise because she owns a body-con sequined dress and can do the wiggle/up-nod title sequence dance that's strangely reminiscent of Selena Gomez's Taylor Swift impression (opens in new tab). Oh, plus this: "I'm all of those things. I'm real. I'm in the house a lot. I am not a wife, but I have had sex with a lot of married people."

Have you ever been more ready for anything in your entire life? Watch below.

Chelsea Peng is a writer and editor who was formerly the assistant editor at She's also worked for The Strategist and Refinery29, and is a graduate of Northwestern University. On her tombstone, she would like a GIF of herself that's better than the one that already exists on the Internet and a free fro-yo machine. Besides frozen dairy products, she's into pirates, carbs, Balzac, and snacking so hard she has to go lie down.