In the immortal words of Salt-n-Peppa, let's talk about sex, baby. More specifically, let's talk about sex with comedian Rachel Feinstein, who's about to bring all the LOLs with her new Comedy Central special, Amy Schumer Presents Rachel Feinstein: Only Whores Wear Purple.
While Rachel isn't a certified sexpert (to quote: "I chip in. I do what I can"), she does possess the following attributes:
1. An awesome feminist perspective on love-making (sorry not sorry for using that expression).
2. A sense of humor.
So, basically exactly what we're looking for when it comes to someone to take sex advice from. MarieClaire.com got a chance to ask Rachel some taboo sex questions, so listen up, ya dig?
Marie Claire: What are the positions most women don't try that they should *definitely* be trying?
Rachel Feinstein: Is sitting on his face a position? It seems like you may as well kick it off with that, just so you guys can get used to it fast. I'm up for most things. As long as the idea behind it isn't to actively humiliate me in some way, I'm like "Yeah, why not?"
MC: What's a huge red flag when having sex with a guy for the first time?
RF: A belly button ring. I went out with a guy who had a belly button ring, and I was like, "I can't be the girl underneath you while your yin yang charm hits my stomach." It's unacceptable. It was alarming. I asked what the last woman said about his belly button ring and he was like, "she never said anything." I was like, "that's the most insane sentence I've ever heard. Who is this faceless victim. Can I reach out to her somehow?"
Also, I went out with a guy that shaved everything. I prefer no tinkering. Just leave your body, stoppit.
MC: How do you tell a guy you're on the ring before having sex the first time? Lots of men claim to "feel it."
RF: Just give a quick head's up, like, "you're gonna bump against that when you get inside me." I feel like guys complain about a lot of things, but when it comes down to it, they're going to have sex with you. They wanna be inside you, so they just have to deal with whatever road block comes along the way.
MC: How do you get a guy to give oral sex without being like "YO, GO DOWN ON ME!" and killing the mood? I've had friends whose partners waited months.
RF: That's unacceptable. If they're not doing that pretty soon, what's the point? And if asking for it kills the mood, he's not the right guy. Honestly, a lot of women need that to have an orgasm. It's not just a whacky stop along the way for most women, it's a necessity.
MC: How do you politely tell a guy that you won't swallow?
RF: Just ask if he has a sink nearby?
MC: That won't ruin the vibe?
RF: Just say it in a breathy voice. Say it in a Kim Cattrall voice. Or make sure to keep a dainty tissue nearby.
MC: How do you fake an orgasm without it being super obvious?
RF: I've stopped doing it. I'm like "lemme go ahead and try to get what I need to achieve one." My advice is, get it girl, say what you gotta say. But if you are going to fake it, I feel like you just need to remix the traditional noises with something confusing so it seems more natural. Mix in one or two heinous cries. Something jarring so they're like, that's not natural. But a confident guy knows it takes a while to figure it out and they won't internalize it.
Amy Schumer Presents Rachel Feinstein: Only Whores Wear Purple airs April 23 on Comedy Central at 11/10c.
Follow Marie Claire on Facebook for the latest celeb news, beauty tips, fascinating reads, livestream video, and more.
Stay In The Know
Marie Claire email subscribers get intel on fashion and beauty trends, hot-off-the-press celebrity news, and more. Sign up here.
Mehera Bonner is a celebrity and entertainment news writer who enjoys Bravo and Antiques Roadshow with equal enthusiasm. She was previously entertainment editor at Marie Claire and has covered pop culture for over a decade.
After 70 Days Completely Out of the Public Eye, Princess Kate Is Finally Spotted in Public
Wearing sunglasses and a slight smile, Kate was seen today out with her mother, Carole Middleton.
By Rachel Burchfield
Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck's Couple Style Has Officially Synced Up
The duo wore coordinating cozy outfits on a day date.
By Melony Forcier
Is Kylie Jenner's Outfit Hinting at Her New Alcohol Brand?
Giving #ad and outfit inspiration in one go.
By India Roby
Sarah Hyland and Adam Devine Play 'How Well Do You Know Your Co-Star?'
The 'Modern Family' stars reunited for the 'Pitch Perfect' spinoff series.
By Brooke Knappenberger
The 78 Best Celebrity Couple Halloween Costumes of All Time
Honestly, we're impressed.
By Charlotte Chilton
Super Rare Photos of Queen Elizabeth as a Young Woman
From childhood snapshots to portraits as a young princess, beautiful and rare photos of the late Queen Elizabeth as a young woman.
By Mehera Bonner
King Charles III and Queen Consort Camilla's Relationship: A Timeline
With the passing of Queen Elizabeth II, Charles has ascended to the throne as king.
By The Editors
Who Is Next in Line for the British Throne, Explained
And yes—Harry and Archie are still in the line of succession.
By Andrea Park
Who Is Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's Fiancé Riley Roberts?
AOC's husband-to-be is an "easygoing redhead" who lives with her in D.C.
By Katherine J. Igoe
68 Times the Kardashians Posed Fully Nude and Owned It
And we mean fully nude—as in, not a shred of clothing.
By Bianca Rodriguez
Who Is Jonathan Owens, Simone Biles's Fiancé and NFL Player?
"The easiest yes!" Simone wrote about the couple's engagement.
By The Editors