I don't have anything against Blac Chyna—in fact, I wish her all the best in her fraught-with-trauma relationship with Rob Kardashian, may they find peace and waffles—but she is not usually a celebrity I look to for fashion inspiration. Unless you count this. This is incredible.
However, as host of a pool party at the Sapphire Pool & Day Club in Las Vegas on Saturday, she walked the red carpet in a brain teaser of an outfit—a brain teaser in the same way that a good Rihanna ensemble boggles the mind. And you know what? I am here for it.
Let's break it down, starting with the most pressing matter of the bathrobe. Is it from said Pool & Day Club? Did she grab it because it was colder than the Weather app said it would be, because you can never trust that liar, but day after day, you're still like, "Yeah, sure, I won't fact-check you with the local news?" Love the Grecian-urn Versace-ness of it, and the Bruno Mars/Hugh Hefner louche-ness of it, in any case. Then we've got heeled sandals (with an anklet!), because a diva need not worry about poolside slippage, and pink! rhinestone! Gucci sunglasses, the lenses of which are the dimensions of Quaker Oatmeal Squares.
Underneath, she presents a novel Idea in Swim Coverups: the sheer camo dress. What? I know! Not my usual bag, but now it kinda is, as a translucent body stocking is like a caricature of clothes that only make sense in a situation in which the point is to wear as little clothing as possible.
Brava, Blac Chyna, for going the distance and running me over in the process. (Because I am dead.) Thank you.