#1: HOW TO "MIRROR" SOMEONE YOU'RE HAVING A FUN FLIRTATION WITH
ME: In you book, you say a person mirror his or her dates movement if he/she likes her/him. Can you tell us how to "mirror"?
JUDY: Mirroring your dates movementsa practice known as the chameleon effectconveys that you two are on the same wavelength, which can enhance your rapport. So if your date crosses his legs, cross yours. If he takes a swig of his drink, sip yours. Or, just ask your date to dance. Dancing forces you to mirror each others movements, which is why its such a surefire romantic mood-setter.
#2: THE GESTURE THAT WILL MAKE SOMEONE WANT TO CUDDLE WITH YOU
ME: Wow! Cool! Who knew there was a science to the dancing thing!
You also say, in your book, that aw, shucks gestureslike shrugging or turning up your palmare good in a flirty situation. Why's that?
JUDY: One goal of flirting is to advertise your friendly intentions. An upturned palm is a way to say I have nothing to hide. (In ancient times it probably meant Im not holding a rock to throw at you.) Shrugging your shoulders, a gesture known among biologists as the cute response, crops up unconsciously when we see babies or puppies. It essentially says, Youre cute! Lets cuddle! And that works wonders in a dating scenario as well.
#3: GETTING INTO SOMEONE'S PERSONAL SPACE--IN A GOOD WAY
ME: You write that its a good idea to get into someones personal space a little. Why's that? And how should you do it? When should you get OUT of their personal space?
JUDY: The bubble of air eighteen inches around someones body is their intimate spacea no-go zone when you first meet someone. To test the waters and see if someones up for you breaking through this barrier, find an excuse to step briefly into this zonesay, by allowing someone behind you to pass, or to grab an appetizer off a wandering traythen step back out again. If this person is drawn to you, he or she will respond by stepping in closer after youve backed off.
ME: Lets say you are flirting with someone and you want to take things up a notch without coming on too strong. Should you touch the person in question? Where is a good place to touch? I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that anything below the belt and above the thigh is not such a great idea.
JUDY: Right! One safe option is to touch someones forearm or elbowit will seem friendly, but not too friendly. In one experiment where waitresses were asked to touch customers forearms while handing over a menu, these waitresses received much higher tips than those who didnt touch the forearm. This suggests that touch magically warms people up to your presence.
ME: Finally... I noticed a study mentioned in your book about how it's not just men who look at boobs. As it turns out, ladies will often sneak a glance at mens private parts! Really?
JUDY: You bet! Women are just better at hiding the fact that they check out the goods on a guy. This is due to their higher powers of peripheral vision. Typically, womens peripheral vision extends 45 degrees to the sides, above, and below where theyre looking. Mens peripheral vision, on the other hand, is much narrower in scope. Men can spot things far in front of themwhich was probably great for hunting in ancient times, but not so great when youre trying to sneak a peak at something hovering along the outskirts. In one experiment, research team Alan and Barbara Pease took men and women to a nudist camp and filmed their eye movements. Men were clearly staring agog at womens boobs, butts, and privates, even though they swore they were trying to hide it. Women, however, claimed they were constantly sneaking peaks at mens packages, but never once looked like they were.
I guess the moral of the story for women is this: If a mans talking to your boobs, give him a break, since youre probably checking out the goods on him, too.
DEAR COMMENTERS: Thanks for all your advice this week! And XenZen, Ray, Edwinna, Wondergirl, Maddy, Agustina, Angela, Alexandra: thanks for giving me a little talking-to yesterday. Yes, sometimes I need a kick in my well-toned butt. (Ha!)
And I think it's worth repeating the advice Wondergirl gave me: "You must believe with every fiber of your being that you are going to find the right person for you." Amen to that, sister.
Oh, and Alexandra: one thing: I really don't think this guy is quite the person for me. (He also didn't ask ME on a second date.) So, I think it's okay to let things more or less slide at this point (though we'll remain friendly).
Also, Edwinna, I DID look into the Meet Up thing. There's some bluegrass thing that looks pretty cool ... I'll have to get on that.