Father Knows Best
By Amanda Robb
Lauren and her father, Randy.
Photo Credit: Amanda Marsalis
Lauren Wilson allowed her father to orchestrate
her engagement; he counseled total abstinence
before the big day. Writer Amanda Robb thought
Lauren was crazy — until she met her.
Lauren Wilson Black, 22, is the
kind of kitten-faced, minx-bodied
all-American beauty who could
break a dozen hearts with
one bat of her silky lashes. But
until last winter, Lauren had never seduced
a boy into misery delicto — or even flirted.
She’d never had a lover, made out in a guy’s
car, pressed against a boy during a slow
dance at the high-school prom, or even been
to a prom. Call her the anti-Lindsay/Paris/
Britney. She was a super-virgin.
While the rest of us spent our youthful
years pushing the limits of what could be
done in backseats and bar bathrooms,
Lauren stayed home. Weird, you say?
Actually, not really. Six years ago, the
National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent
Health found that one in six Americans
between the ages of 12 and 18 had taken a
purity pledge. That is, they vowed to remain
virgins until marriage.
Among those virginity pledgers, courtship
has become the trend du jour. The
brainchild of Josh Harris, a 33-year-old
Christian evangelical and author of I Kissed
Dating Goodbye, courtship is the antihookup.
No nooky. No commitment flake-outs. No
playing the field. You see a stranger at the
local mall or church barbecue, and then — if
you both feel that certain spark — he asks
your father if he can “court” you.
Lauren’s parents, Randy and Lisa, are on
board, to say the least. In 1998, they founded
the Father Daughter Purity Ball (think
prom meets wedding reception). The formal
event is attended by hundreds of teenage
girls and their dads. After dinner and before
dancing, the fathers sign an agreement — as
the “high priests of the home” — to be their
daughters’ “authority and protector in the
area of purity.” In 2006, Purity Balls took
place in 48 states; next April, the Wilsons
will host New York City’s first-ever Purity
Ball at the Waldorf-Astoria.
I met the Wilsons while covering the
Colorado Springs Father Daughter Purity
Ball, which takes place at the city’s
five-star Broadmoor Hotel. To put it
plainly, I was fully prepared for Randy,
Lisa, and their children to be the biggest
freaks I ever met. The concept of
premarital virginity seemed archaic
enough; the image of a father monitoring
his daughter’s sex life was fairly
revolting. So I was nothing short of
astonished to find the Wilsons likable.
It was through my conversations
with Randy and Lisa about their Purity
Balls that I developed a fascination
with Lauren. Homeschooled since kindergarten
and absent a college degree,
Lauren experienced joys (feeling popular)
and woes (being ostracized by
friends whom she introduced!) that
were nevertheless extraordinarily similar
to those of my own — or, for that
matter, most people’s — adolescence.
Still, when she was 13, Lauren decided
to do something I could never fathom
doing: give her heart to her dad so he
could “save” it for her husband.
“I was just like, Why hang out with a
guy, break your heart, hang out with
the next guy, break your heart again?”
Lauren says, when I ask her what she
was thinking the day she told her dad
she wanted to be a virgin until marriage.
Randy is a sinewy man, who, in his
khakis and polos, dresses the part of laid-back
Westerner. But his grave blue eyes
and careful, sonorous speech bespeak
unstinting seriousness. The day of her
announcement, he penned this letter:
Dear Son-in-Law,
By the time you sit down and read this,
your wedding day will have passed . . .
I know we have had long talks about
Lauren, but let me write them down . . .
Lauren’s heart is overflowing with love
and care for others. She is unselfish almost
to a fault. She waits for your leadership
and will respond to you accordingly.
Lauren has great inner strength and
physical stamina, but she will need your
God-given strength to function. She wants
to please you like no other. Most importantly,
Lauren needs your spiritual leadership.
She needs you to take her to the
throne of God...
Love, Your Father-in-Law
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