This past Friday I attended a singles party.
It yielded no results for me, but it did help me understand why some places are better than others to meet girls.
Let me first explain why it was tough to meet girls at the singles party:
1. Loud Music
How in the world am I supposed to talk to anyone if I can't hear myself think? It's really hard to meet people when you have to scream at the top of your lungs and they still say "what?" after you speak to them. I have this terrible problem where I'm afraid to ask someone what they've said a third time so I just guess whether I should fake a positive or negative reaction. Most of the time, I'm wrong:
I laugh and say: "so funny" after I'm told that someone's mom is going into surgery.
2. Married People. Really?
I attended the party with two friends: Maria and Vanessa from work. Maria tried to keep a positive attitude and actually tried to mingle with someone.
"You here for the Singles Party," she asked?
"Yeah. But I'm married. See? I took my wedding ring off."
This depressed us, so we were a bit hesitant to continue our quest.
3. Expensive Drinks
Contrary to popular belief, it is pretty easy to find cheap drinks in NYC. There is a mathematical correlation between cheap drinks and fun bars. When I ordered three drinks for our group at this lounge, Shebeen, and had to fork over $35, my heart sank. Maybe they used this bar to weed out poor singles like me, like difficult pre-med classes are used to weed out aspiring doctors.
4. Available Girls
We've gone over this before; I have a history of being attracted to unavailable girls. When I hit on a girl, I usually first see her glowing in a crowd. There were plenty of cute girls in the bar, but none of them had that little glow. I'm afraid only girls with boyfriends have that glow for me. Also, girls that are so emotionally unavailable, they will eventually drive me insane-they have that glow too.
I don't like going somewhere that everyone is expecting to meet other singles. It puts even more pressure on the whole singles situation.
6. Other Singles
It's kind of tough to meet people when they are all like me: single and usually jaded. They are either equally picky or have some kind of commitment issue. Maybe they just have bad luck. I'm not saying all single people are like me, but when you've been single for a while it kind of plays with your mind-you lose faith that there's anyone out there for you. A room full of this mentality is not good. I also draw power from my friends who are dating-they give me hope, and encouragement when we are out.
The party did teach me a few things.
Meeting girls in loud bars cripples any hope of getting to know them through pleasant conversation.
House parties are the best; usually you meet friends of friends and you can actually talk to them.
Just last week my friend Justin and I attended a tour of a really cool remodeled house in Gramercy Park in NYC with a cute girl he worked with. We had time to talk, opine about the house, and relax. It was the first time I had seen this girl since I saw her out in a loud bar, and I got to know her a lot better this time around.
So, I'm thinking that art events, house parties, etc are the places I need to meet girls. Even walking around doing every day things like earlier that evening when I stalked Katie Holmes.
These activities spark conversations that are much more pleasant than those I have in bars.
Have any of you ever had any success at singles events? Do you meet a lot of people in bars? What sorts of places have you had the most success meeting people that you end up connecting with?