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February 10, 2013

Allison Williams: Not Trending Now

Sorry, social media, ​Girls star Allison Williams is just not that into you.

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Photo Credit: Andreas Laszlo Konrath

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Dear Twitter,

I have received numerous invitations to join you in a relationship, and i figured it was time to respond to your advances.

First, let me say: it's not you, it's me. I think you're great. The whole world agrees with that. You've accomplished amazing things, and anyone should be proud to be with you. You make me laugh, and you make me cry. You are the center of attention no matter where you are, and I don't know of any other obsession that more people share. It's very difficult to remember the world before you were in it. On a personal note, Girls probably wouldn't be as successful without you.

Before you jump to conclusions, it's not that I'm seeing somebody else. I barely talk to Facebook anymore (we only ever speak when I need to expedite the name game after meeting a new person), too many friends have been with Instagram or Tumblr, and LinkedIn can ask until he's blue in the face... not my type.

It's because I put up walls. Not to hold anything in, but to keep my thoughts from escaping. I protect myself from myself. I know it's confusing because I'm an actress (we tend to love attention), but I am actually pretty private when I'm not pretending to be someone else. I am private because I'm still figuring things out. I'm young! I'm making it up as I go! Every once in a while, I misfire (like a bad photo shoot or a weird outfit choice). And you don't want to be the one I'm with while I'm "finding myself," right? That never lasts, as we all know.

I'm also a little self-conscious around you. OK — I'm very self-conscious around you. You're kind of a tough critic. I always worry about what you would think of me, because I've seen the way you react to other people. Would you find me somehow offensive, or too boring, or too provocative, or too ironic, or too earnest? The thought that you would misread a joke makes me ill.

In some ways, dating you would be good for my career. It's gross, but it's true. It's no surprise that a lot of other actors have gone out with you. Especially for newbies like myself, "number of followers" is essentially currency. You would provide me with a quantifiable estimation of my popularity. That would help with brands, magazines, and movie studios. Even so, I just don't see the results justifying the risk involved.

I'm not up to the task of keeping up with you. Imagine the number of updates throughout the day! Without you, I can enjoy experiences without trying to figure out how to express them in 140 characters. Being with you would ruin any chance at being present in the moment — I'm distracted enough as it is.

I want you to know that this is going to be hard for me, too. There will be times when I'll feel like telling you something. I'll see a great movie or read something wonderful or have a funny thought, and I won't be able to share it with you. The upside is that I won't have to pretend to like people's terrible movies or books, and that my bad jokes won't be exposed to the whole world.

I really hope we can still be friends because I might still come to you for entertainment or news from time to time. I won't ask you to drive me anywhere or pick up my prescriptions... only friendship stuff. Because I respect you, I can't be with you until I evolve a bit more. Like I said: it's not you, it's me. Now you know why.

Until we meet again,
Allison


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