9 Real Reasons Why You're Not Having Sex Tonight

Hey, a girl's gotta do.

Most Popular
Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

A married couple recently garnered a lot of media attention when the wife leaked an excel doument that her husband had used to keep track of their sex life. Well, their lack of sex life, that is. The husband detailed the number of reasons his wife declined sex over the course of the month; she had a headache, she felt bloated, she was tired, and so on.

While it was incredibly rude, in our humble opinion, it did get us thinking about the reasons we all pass on sex every now and again. Read on for the top 10 brutally honest explanations for a no-go in the bedroom:

Most Popular

1. I just got a blowout. Having sex is going to make me sweat...and even worse, it's going to make you sweat on me. No.

2. I ate my body weight in french fries. I feel so full. I don't actually think there is room for you in here.

3. Keeping Up With The Kardashians is on. I really can't miss this one. They're going to show the top of North's head!

4. It's late and I want to Pinterest. Do NOT want me to have a beautiful life, or what?

5. My roommates are home. Maybe you don't care about your bros hearing your headboard banging against the wall, but I have to go get brunch with these girls tomorrow.

6. I have errands to run. If we have sex, then I'll be too tired to go to the gym, and then I won't pick up my dry cleaning on the way home, and I won't have the blazer I want to wear to work tomorrow, and I won't be efficient, and I will get fired.

7. I'm having a phantom period. It's not actually the time of the month but it might as well be. My boobs are sore and I am emotionally exhausted; today I cried when I realized my Metrocard was empty.

8. I can feel a UTI coming on. I feel like I am peeing hot acid. Look what you have done to me.

9. I had a weird sex dream about your brother last night. I don't think I have recovered yet and your resemblance to him is causing me a lot of stress.

Love & Sex
Share
3 Divorce Attorneys on How Power Couples Handle Cheating
​​In light of Lemonade. ​
Woman in bed, black and white.
Love & Sex
Share
My Weird, Fun, Life-Changing Quest to Have Sex with 100 Different People
For my milestone birthday, I set some *goals.*​
Love & Sex
Share
Adventures of a Sex Phone Operator: The Surprising Highs, the Grossest Lows, and the Lesson I Took Away from It All
​I knew the experience might change me—but I didn't realize how much.​
Love & Sex
Share
5 Affirmations for the Modern Dating-App-Using Girl
Repeat until you don't feel like a broken-down, garbage person anymore. ​
Love & Sex
Share
I Tried "Sex Dust" and Here's What Happened
A scientific experiment of the libido kind.​
Love & Sex
Share
​10 Ways Weed Makes Me a Better Girlfriend
On always taking the high road.​
black and white bride
Love & Sex
Share
The Emotional Weight of Being a Wife
​​Why is the maintenance of our relationship my responsibility?​
Multi-colored condoms
Love & Sex
Share
Why It Sucks to Date as a Happily Childfree Woman
​​My male partners assumed that deep down, I *really* wanted kids. ​
Love & Sex
Share
I Made My Stomach Pooch Its Own Tinder Account
And still got all the swipes. ​
Love & Sex
Share
How My Boyfriend and I Finally Learned to Fight
A guide from comedian Nikki Glaser.​