Sometimes good sex feels like a really tough recipe to me. Now, I love cooking; any good cook knows he/she is only as good as the ingredients they use. This is why I love the process of buying vegetables and other ingredients. I even love peeling and cutting. It's all part of the process to make a great dish.
And, like a recipe, I think sex is only as good as its ingredients: the people involved, and then the deeper ingredients like connection and chemistry. Here are some ingredients that can help make great sex:
Safe, but threatening
Couples need to feel safe around each other, but sex is fun when it has a bad edge to it. If you can make one another feel "comfortably threatened" it can lead to a steamy experience.
Spontaneity is a common thread for success in all areas of romance, and sex is no different. Sex, just like anything else, can become routine and mundane. How often do we just grab each other and go at it?
I'm not one of those lucky guys that has sex with girls who aren't attracted to me. Some of my friends admit that they've had sex with people they were not attracted to. How do these guys pull this off? I need to learn this secret. Nevertheless, none of my friends are ever thrilled about it, so the sex wasn't that great.
The Intangible Spark
What is it about that certain someone that gets our blood rushing, and makes us hot? Life would be boring if we could answer this question.
People can enjoy sex with a limited emotional connection, but most of us need to have a deep emotional connection to have good sex. For me, unless I am really into a girl, sex is kind of ho-hum, and I'm left wondering why I even did it. Good sex is more than just orgasms and touching-it needs to stimulate the mind and spirit.
When I'm in my sports, Wikipedia, music mood, I'm not really in the state of mind for sex. If I'm stressed or depressed, I may not be able to get in the mood. And, I'm never sure when a girl is in the mood. Even if she's in my bed, I still wonder if she just wants to talk.
I madeout with a girl once and her friend later approached me, telling me that her friend really enjoyed it. Her friend asked me what I did, and I said: "I don't know, I just was very concerned with making sure she enjoyed it." If two people concentrate on making the other person feel amazing, then they both benefit and the sex could be great.
Confidence (even if you have to fake it)
I know if a girl seems unsure of herself in bed, it gets distracting and starts to feel awkward. I'm sure women feel the same way if us guys act unconfident. The best thing to do is to act like you have some experience, not questioning anything (despite this I'm always questioning: "what did that noise mean," "did I do something wrong," "does she think I'm fat?") I think back to the advice my dad once gave my sisters and I when he snuck us onto the "premium members only" tennis courts at this fancy resort at the beach. While we played, security goons watched closely and my dad could tell that we were nervous:
"Just act like you are supposed to be here and they won't ask any questions."
Sure enough, it worked. I'll try to apply this advice without thinking of security goons or tennis courts.
You both should be equally willing to try things. How awkward is it if someone busts out the chocolate syrup and gimp ball/mask if one of you is not into it? On the other hand, an adventurous partner can show a "shyer" partner some new things. You both just have to have that willingness to be open minded.
Sense of Humor
Sometimes when I'm making out with a girl and she makes a weird sound, or if we make a clumsy move together, it sticks in my mind and I want to laugh so bad. But often, I'm so worried about looking stupid, I just hold in my laughter even though I'm dying to crack up. If you can laugh together, make fun of your mistakes, it will take the pressure off and it will become more enjoyable.
We all know it's better when we're in love.
Aside from love, what do you think the most important ingredients are? What would you add to this list? Do you disagree with any of the ingredients?