The other night I was eating corn on the cob and feeling very happy I was not on a date because I looked like a rat gnawing on a typewriter spool. It inspired me to write up the worst first date foods, complete with a handy dandy legend for quick reference...
M = Messy
NR = Makes nose run
U = Unwieldy
F = Gas Producing (could be applied to any food really)
C = Cheap/thoughtless
A = Alters your appearance
PSYCH = Plays with your mind
NA = Noise Alert!
Soup (U, NR, NA) - It hurts to include this amazing food here, considering it's my all time favorite food. But, inexperienced soup eaters are not skilled at cooling and managing bites of soup, so they do the only thing they know to do: they slurp, making your date think they are having dinner with a sump pump. And if you're nervous or shaky, soup can spill from the spoon or the bowl. And why does my nose always run when I eat soup?
Beans and Other Gas Producers (F, NA)- Beans act as ammunition to turn your first date into your last. On a first date, you don't need to eat any food that will bloat you up til you float away like the Hindenburg. And you know what happened to the Hindenburg. And you know what happens if you let the gas go. Some day you'll hit that right of passage where you can eat all the gas producers you want, but for your first few dates play it safe.
Fast Food/Chain Restaurants (C) - My friends and I joke that taking a girl to McDonalds ensures that she won't want to see us again. Sure, there are those campy impromptu fast food experiences with that special someone, but on a first date it's best to go to a special place. Also, if you look like you've done some research it's always appreciated. Best case scenario, you introduce that your date to a place or a food they never had before, and mutual discovery is what love is all about. But... I must admit if a girl took me to Chic-Fil-A, she'd have my heart.
The great thing about 'the one" is that he/she will love you regardless of what food you eat on your first date. These suggestions are based on avoiding personal anxiety. Most likely, if the person's into you, impersonating a vacuum cleaner on a worm farm will be perceived as "cute" instead of "gross". Funny how love works. So, perhaps what I'm trying to say here is: you must put yourself through personal embarrassment in front of that special someone to see if they are the one. Isn't love fun?
So, what foods would you black list for a first date? Can you share any food horror stories from your dating life, and do you agree or disagree with my list?