1. Keep a popping video (might I suggest the egg-size cyst one?) open in your browser
Whip it out and go "I'm curating an exhibition exploring the excretions of the body as an expression of mankind's destructive tendencies, and I could really use your input" as the squeezing culminates and the infection erupts from the orifice.
2. "I'm thinking of getting a man bun."
3. Respond to every question with "Oooooooh yeeeaaahhhh"
But in the Kool-Aid man's voice, until the person, freaked out, backs away.
4. "No thank you."
5. Excuse yourself to go help someone, anyone
Be a do-gooder.
6. Snatch a nearby acquaintance like "Did you know Stuart also collects scarabs?"
Beat a hasty retreat to the bar.
7. "Let me tell you why I think I might have IBS."
8. "Wanna hear my mixtape?"
9. As soon as you start to get bored, make Justin Bieber prayer hands at odd intervals
Whisper "swag" at even odder intervals.
10. While at happy hour, begin shoving cocktail stirrers and grissini into your bag without breaking eye contact.
If they've got those toothpicks that look like tiny tridents, use one to comb your hair while singing "Part of Your World" with sweeping arm gestures.
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I'm Chelsea Peng, the assistant editor at MarieClaire.com. On my tombstone, I would like a GIF of me that's better than the one that already exists on the Internet and a free fro-yo machine. Besides frozen dairy products, I'm into pirates, carbs, Balzac, and snacking so hard I have to go lie down.
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