Work Vocabulary That Should Exist

Getty, design by Jen Baumgardner

What is the purpose of language if not to communicate one's displeasure? Science might not be able to give a firm answer re: complaining's effect on your health, but here, we've gone ahead and whipped up a few new words with which you can express yourself all the more eloquently at the office.

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<p>As in "fear of closing tabs," though in more liberal work environments, you could very well pronounce the acronym. Describes the feeling when you have so many sites open that the little arrows at the ends of your browser appear, but you're too scared to close any of them in case you need them later.</p><p><strong>Proper usage:</strong> "But what if I'm on a call and I don't have the GDP of Uruguay handy? WHAT IF I'M ON A CALL WITH THE PRESIDENT OF URUGUAY?! So much FOCT right now."</p>

Design by Jen Baumgardner

As in "fear of closing tabs," though in more liberal work environments, you could very well pronounce the acronym. Describes the feeling when you have so many sites open that the little arrows at the ends of your browser appear, but you're too scared to close any of them in case you need them later.

Proper usage: "But what if I'm on a call and I don't have the GDP of Uruguay handy? WHAT IF I'M ON A CALL WITH THE PRESIDENT OF URUGUAY?! So much FOCT right now."

Design by Jen Baumgardner

When it's 4 p.m. and you have no will to go on (i.e. low motivation), but you have to because you've had no will to go on since 10:30 a.m.

Proper usage: *groaning from under desk* "I HAVE LOOOOOO-MOOOOOOOOO."

Design by Jen Baumgardner

A (should be) mandatory pause in the day during which colleagues partake in snack-eating, sleeping, and/or drinking strong German alcohol.

Proper usage: "TIME FOR A SHNAP BREAK!!!!!"

<p>A dull, dry complexion and bloodshot eyes caused by staring at a computer screen all day. Not to be confused with the other "beat face" describing expertly applied, transformative makeup.<br></p><p><strong>Proper usage:</strong> "My face is so beat not even a whole bottle of <a href="https://www.glossier.com/#!/products/soothing-face-mist">Glossier face mist</a> could revive it."</p>

Design by Jen Baumgardner

A dull, dry complexion and bloodshot eyes caused by staring at a computer screen all day. Not to be confused with the other "beat face" describing expertly applied, transformative makeup.

Proper usage: "My face is so beat not even a whole bottle of Glossier face mist could revive it."

Design by Jen Baumgardner

Keeping your emails unread because you don't have time for that sh*t, plus the higher the number, the closer to feeling popular.

Proper usage: "Sorry I haven't responded to your email...I uh...haven't read it yet. I know it's from three weeks ago—I, um, have a really bad case of inbox avoidance?"

<p>At the end of the day, when you and your coworkers clumsily, pointedly eye one another while packing up slowly because you don't want to be the first one to leave.
</p><p><strong>Proper usage, internally:</strong> "Ugh, Veronica. Just stop lubber-necking and get out of here, damn it."</p>

Design by Jen Baumgardner

At the end of the day, when you and your coworkers clumsily, pointedly eye one another while packing up slowly because you don't want to be the first one to leave.

Proper usage, internally: "Ugh, Veronica. Just stop lubber-necking and get out of here, damn it."