The Oceanic Six

Can two of MC’s pop culture mavens—chatting on IM during the Lost season premiere—decode the mysteries of the island?

Can two of MC's pop culture mavens—chatting on IM during the Lost season premiere—decode the mysteries of the island?

Jessica: nervous going into this cold turkey…didn't watch the end of last week's catch-up episode because of the pop up video fiasco.

Sarah: i always thought charlie was annoying—it's ok with me that they killed him off.

Jessica: noooo! you gotta love a hobbit! plus, his song was catchy.

Sarah: i remember hearing that he was based on one of the guys in oasis. Maybe chuck klosterman said that?

Jessica: oh right, cause he was in the band with his brother. the quiet gallagher or the mean one?

Sarah: dunno. who's in the camaro?

Jessica: my guess is sawyer—the white trash/badass factor.

Sarah: hurley! present-day hurley?

Jessica: i fear his hygiene is no better off the island.

Sarah: ok, back on the island. did bernard just tell hurley, "if you want to cannonball, cannonball"?

Jessica: that was deep, man.

Sarah: ben is sooo scary and evil! The guy who plays him actually lives a few blocks away from me and when I run into him on the street, i always think, "so, you must've made it off the island."

Jessica: freaky! i wouldn't be able to get on the subway with him.

Sarah: the satellite phone. good idea or bad?

Jessica: bad! don't do it, jack. don't let scary phone stranger reset your digits. whoa, going from lost drama into fool's gold commercial is jarring.

Sarah: but both on tropical island, at least. less weird than seeing the commercial for step up 2, which is non-island-based.

Jessica: we're back. everyone's so happy. this show's trained me to know that means trouble.

Sarah: OMG!!! i just gasped. don't throw ESCAPE PHONE into the OCEAN, dude! That really limits your options.

Jessica: yeah, rollover minutes won't help you with that one.

Sarah: now I'm worried they're all gonna get massacred.

Jessica: oh jack and kate can you just GET IT OVER WITH ALREADY?

Sarah: oh god oh god oh god. hurley's lost in the woods. the whispering house!!! whaa?

Jessica: it's jacob!

Sarah: i think an omniscient, all-powerful being should have a less pedestrian name than jacob.

Jessica: eh, it's biblical. why would kate answer the phone by herself in the woods? it's like she's never seen "scream."

Sarah: guerilla naomi attack! naomi looks like the singer m.i.a. plus a little island-crazy.

Jessica: OMG OMG OMG

Sarah: ahhh—jacob's withered frame is so scary in his rocking chair!

Jessica: who knew "whistler's mother" could be so creepy?

Sarah: jack couldn't be any hotter. i'd get marooned on the island if it meant we could make out.

Jessica: i'll fight you—or kate—for him. we're halfway in and his shirt isn't off yet—what gives?

Sarah: CHARLIE'S GHOST?? I can't deal with this mystical stuff like ghosts and the black smog that kills people.

Jessica: nice csi miami sunglasses move, charlie. Now we know you're serious.

Sarah: i love a show that will kill off main characters. as long as it's not jack or kate! I'm still pissed that they axed mr. eko.

Jessica: sooo ready for kate to die—but thanks to flash forward, we know she doesn't.

Sarah: he's screaming about the "oceanic six!" and that sounds way too close to "ocean's eleven." I think jack, kate, sawyer, said, sun, and hurley will make it off.

Jessica: hmm. i think we should name our bowling team after this and then when we get a strike we can start screaming, "I'm one of the oceanic six!"

Sarah: helicopters! you think they're from dharma initiative?

Jessica: can't tell if they're good guys or bad. What the f. more q's than answers, as always.

Sarah: grrr. but you know we're coming back for more next week.