The Oceanic Six

Can two of MC's pop culture mavens—chatting on IM during the Lost season premiere—decode the mysteries of the island?

Jessica: nervous going into this cold turkey…didn't watch the end of last week's catch-up episode because of the pop up video fiasco.

Sarah: i always thought charlie was annoying—it's ok with me that they killed him off.

Jessica: noooo! you gotta love a hobbit! plus, his song was catchy.

Sarah: i remember hearing that he was based on one of the guys in oasis. Maybe chuck klosterman said that?

Jessica: oh right, cause he was in the band with his brother. the quiet gallagher or the mean one?

Sarah: dunno. who's in the camaro?

Jessica: my guess is sawyer—the white trash/badass factor.

Sarah: hurley! present-day hurley?

Jessica: i fear his hygiene is no better off the island.

Sarah: ok, back on the island. did bernard just tell hurley, "if you want to cannonball, cannonball"?

Jessica: that was deep, man.

Sarah: ben is sooo scary and evil! The guy who plays him actually lives a few blocks away from me and when I run into him on the street, i always think, "so, you must've made it off the island."

Jessica: freaky! i wouldn't be able to get on the subway with him.

Sarah: the satellite phone. good idea or bad?

Jessica: bad! don't do it, jack. don't let scary phone stranger reset your digits. whoa, going from lost drama into fool's gold commercial is jarring.

Sarah: but both on tropical island, at least. less weird than seeing the commercial for step up 2, which is non-island-based.

Jessica: we're back. everyone's so happy. this show's trained me to know that means trouble.

Sarah: OMG!!! i just gasped. don't throw ESCAPE PHONE into the OCEAN, dude! That really limits your options.

Jessica: yeah, rollover minutes won't help you with that one.

Sarah: now I'm worried they're all gonna get massacred.

Jessica: oh jack and kate can you just GET IT OVER WITH ALREADY?

Sarah: oh god oh god oh god. hurley's lost in the woods. the whispering house!!! whaa?

Jessica: it's jacob!

Sarah: i think an omniscient, all-powerful being should have a less pedestrian name than jacob.

Jessica: eh, it's biblical. why would kate answer the phone by herself in the woods? it's like she's never seen "scream."

Sarah: guerilla naomi attack! naomi looks like the singer m.i.a. plus a little island-crazy.

Jessica: OMG OMG OMG

Sarah: ahhh—jacob's withered frame is so scary in his rocking chair!

Jessica: who knew "whistler's mother" could be so creepy?

Sarah: jack couldn't be any hotter. i'd get marooned on the island if it meant we could make out.

Jessica: i'll fight you—or kate—for him. we're halfway in and his shirt isn't off yet—what gives?

Sarah: CHARLIE'S GHOST?? I can't deal with this mystical stuff like ghosts and the black smog that kills people.

Jessica: nice csi miami sunglasses move, charlie. Now we know you're serious.

Sarah: i love a show that will kill off main characters. as long as it's not jack or kate! I'm still pissed that they axed mr. eko.

Jessica: sooo ready for kate to die—but thanks to flash forward, we know she doesn't.

Sarah: he's screaming about the "oceanic six!" and that sounds way too close to "ocean's eleven." I think jack, kate, sawyer, said, sun, and hurley will make it off.

Jessica: hmm. i think we should name our bowling team after this and then when we get a strike we can start screaming, "I'm one of the oceanic six!"

Sarah: helicopters! you think they're from dharma initiative?

Jessica: can't tell if they're good guys or bad. What the f. more q's than answers, as always.

Sarah: grrr. but you know we're coming back for more next week.