Sometimes I think memes are making our culture more homogenous because everyone's looking at the same images all the time. But then again, how else would we know that apparently 100 percent of the human population suffers from Remember Something Embarrassing You Did 8 Years Ago Right Before You Fall Asleep Syndrome?
In nerdy circles, sleep (or sleep *betterment*) is considered the SpaceX of regular-people tech—it's the Next Frontier in our post-wearable world. That's part of what makes Eight (opens in new tab), a smart-mattress-cover-cum-scientist, so exciting—that and the fact that it does everything short of reading you Go the F*ck to Sleep (opens in new tab) and tucking you in.
Unlike fitness trackers and apps that have you place your phone next to your pillow, Eight is its own separate entity and far more detailed than the usual, "Yo. You never reached REM sleep. This is concerning." The mattress cover has sensors galore that collect data—about you, your environment, your tossing and turning problem—throughout the night that's then neatly presented as cute charts and graphs on the accompanying app.
But that's not all. Depending on how Smart House your life has gotten, Eight can act as a digital Jeeves of sorts. It dims the lights, adjusts the temperature of your bed (!!!), and plays your all-lullaby-nocturne playlist. It can also lower the thermostat (gotta reduce that carbon footprint) and lock your door, again depending on how comfortable you've gotten with Her-like technology controlling your life. But hey—if a robot war is the price of finally catching enough Zzzs, so be it. At least we'll be well-rested.
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Chelsea Peng is a writer and editor who was formerly the assistant editor at MarieClaire.com. She's also worked for The Strategist and Refinery29, and is a graduate of Northwestern University. On her tombstone, she would like a GIF of herself that's better than the one that already exists on the Internet and a free fro-yo machine. Besides frozen dairy products, she's into pirates, carbs, Balzac, and snacking so hard she has to go lie down.
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