And now the latest dispatch from the "If You Don't Know, Now You Know" file.
Meet April Ryan, a veteran journalist from the American Urban Radio Networks. She's having a strange week. Well, we're all having a strange week—it's America in 2017—but April Ryan is having an especially strange week. Her week came to a head during what was probably the most divisive and offensive moment from the president's shambolic 77-minute press conference. April Ryan asked the president a question; the president attempted to come for April Ryan; it didn't go well.
"Are they friends of yours?"
Don't get it twisted, the president was trying to clapback. But that clapback must have been on one and three because it was not successful. Sir, you are not chained to the rhythm.
POTUS: Do you know them?
APRIL RYAN: Do you know me?
April Ryan, in that look and that head shake was like, "You must have confused me with Mary J. Blige singing 'Not Gon' Cry' but best believe I'm not your lover or your secretary."
The Washington Bureau Chief hasn't always had such a contentious relationship with the White House. Here she is in 1996 receiving a coffee from George Bush.
But things have changed. Today the White House is all tea, no coffee.
What's especially strange about the president asking a black journalist if she knows the Congressional Black Caucus is that the Congressional Black Caucus is a caucus of black congresswomen and men. We all know them.
It's not secret information.
Kamala Harris? Ring a bell? Maxine Waters? Oh you know her, Mr. President.
You have been acquainted.
After the press conference, Ryan made the rounds on various news program essentially singing the lyrics to "Irreplaceable."
You must not know about me.
Ryan was like "I'm a reporter not a convener. So, here's your headline: You tried it."
April Ryan earns her place on my long list of black women you don't want to come for. Ever. Joyce Beatty, who is definitely on that list after her DNC sartorial shade, certainly agrees.
As wild as this was, it wasn't even the strangest thing to happen to Ryan this week.
Earlier in the week she was physically threatened in the White House by Omarosa. Ryan says that she was close to asking the Secret Service to intervene and protect here.
You may be having a rough week but are you having a "choked out by a reality show contestant" rough week? Unless you've had a random run in with the Cash Me Outside girl, I'm guessing not.
"What'd you do this week?"
"Oh, just had to ask the president's elite security team to protect me from getting punched by an old friend on the same floors that JFK once walked. What'd you do?"
"Just went to Trader Joe's."
This is totally a thing that happens in the White House. Like that time that Kristin Chenoweth wrestled Timothy Busfield on The West Wing.
Honey, it is the Wild West Wing now. No, the Wild West had rules. This place is Westworld. And you can't tell me that Stephen Miller isn't a malfunctioning robot. I won't hear it and I won't respond to it.
Anyway, stay safe out there, y'all. Especially you journalists and commentators. I'm about to do a GoFundMe to pay for Krav Maga classes for Ana Navarro.
And remember: If you're gonna clapback, do it on two and four. If you need instructions, the Congressional Black Caucus is more than happy to oblige: