Please Leave a Message

There was a time when I blamed myself for the fact that no girl I ever met at a bar returned my call.

There was a time when I blamed myself for the fact that no girl I ever met at a bar returned my call. I tried every type of timing: call two days later to act cool and aloof, call the next day to look interested and straight-forward. But nothing. Then, I started to wonder if I was saying stupid stuff on my messages. I dissected the copy in my various messages in my mind and I came up with this…

The initial phone message after meeting in a bar needs certain parts to be complete.


The big quandary here is whether the girl remembers me or not. Was she wasted when she gave me her number? Does she even remember my name? How can I remind her?

State the meeting time/place: "Hi, this is Rich from Saturday night. (or) From Iggy's in the Lower East Side.

State a super random fact from the meeting that she'll definitely remember: "Hi, this is Rich. I was the one who told you that no matter what boxers I wear, I always end up with a wedgie by the end of the day?"

The Body

Here is where I must state why I'm calling. There are a number of options.

Just calling to call: "I just wanted to say hi and see how the rest of your night went."

Calling to ask out on minor date: "I just wanted to see if you wanted to get together for drinks later this week."

Calling for serious date: "Wanted to see if you wanted to get a bite to eat some night this week."

Calling for Group Date: "My friends and I are headed out tomorrow night and wanted to see if you guys wanted to join us."

Calling to hijack her weekend: "Wanted to see if you wanted to get some drinks Saturday night.

Calling for vague date: "Just wanted to see if you wanted to get together some time soon."

I honestly don't know what the best option is here. Just calling to say hello seems pointless and a little bit too assumptive that the two of us are good enough friends to do so. It also feels kind of feminine. Getting together for a minor date such as drinks is a safe bet, but also very cliché. Serious date usually means trouble on the first call, but then again I hear so many girls tell me how they don't get asked out to dinner anymore and wish they did. Group date is safe and comforting but this almost feels like it needs to be a text the night of, because how lame is it to plan a big group outing so far in advance?


This is simply where I tell her to get back to me.

"So, just give me a call back when you get a chance (and we can figure it all out).

If I can leave out redundant statements like the one in the parenthesis above, I usually feel ok with the ending.

No combination of anything seems to work. I have a feeling when a girl is a bit drunk in a bar, she feels a little bit more adventurous and—at the time—it seems like it will be easy to go through the process of setting up a date if I call her. Another theory is that she is just as jaded as I am and just gives her number to me almost knowing I won't call and she won't have to say no at any point, so why not be friendly and just give the number.

Whatever the reasons are, 4 out of 5 times in my experience I have not gotten called back when I've gotten numbers. I've almost always called because I only ask interesting girls for their numbers. The most blunt and honest response I have ever gotten when asking for a number also turned out to be the most respectful response:

"So, can I get you number? We can hang out some time."

"No, you can't have my number."

You know what? No time wasted. No time figuring out when to call and what the hell to say on the call. No time wasted wondering if I said anything stupid or if the girl will call me back.

Perhaps the right girl for me, no matter where I meet her, will call me back whether I am vague, concrete, hijacking Saturdays or talking about my perpetual incurable wedgies.

What do you girls think? Am I going about this the right way?