The other day my friend confided in me: she was not into a guy who was pursuing her because he was too nice. I was surprised when I heard my own advice to her:
You aren't ready for a nice guy yet. You need to get all the jerks out of your system.
After a couple months of dating the guy who turned out to be a jerk, things were going well for her. They had made it through the initial stages of everything—they were dating and comfortable. Around this time, he went on vacation with his friends in Florida.
After his vacation, she showed me two pictures on his Facebook page. In one, he was being straddled by some blonde girl. In the other he was kissing the same blonde girl in a bar against a wall. Under each picture the blonde girl had posted annoying comments about how cute the two of them were together. Why this guy didn't think my friend would see the pictures on Facebook, I'll never know. Maybe he didn't care?
My friend didn't know what to do. After some conferencing, we decided that she should confront him. It's hard to admit that you may have been snooping someone's Facebook page, but snooping a page that you are authorized to see is much less of an offense than cheating.
My friend, the next time out with the guy confronted him:
"Do I have anything to worry about? Is there anyone else?"
He looked her straight in the eye:
"You have nothing to worry about. There's nothing going on."
Of course you know how this story ends. Turns out the guy was cheating on her—and had lied to her face when she asked.
My friend finally found another picture of the blonde girl and the guy with his tongue down her throat on his Facebook page.
Rational thought dictates that once you have been cheated on, or treated badly, you will not want to be around the person that commits the offense. But my friend just can't get him out of her crawl.
Eventually, she ran into a really nice guy. He was texting and emailing and calling and asked her out every time he contacted her. She said he was good looking, nice and hilarious. They went out a few times, but all the while she was thinking about the Facebook guy. Try as she might, she couldn't feel a spark with the new nice guy.
Jerky guys seem to have some kind of sixth sense. I want this sixth sense. They know how to disappear and re-appear at just the right time. They know when a girl is just about to give up on them, so they send an email or a text. They know how to be vague, give false hope, and keep a girl's interest perfectly.
Unlike the kid in "Sixth Sense", they don't see dead people.
They would say: "I see vulnerable people."
Facebook guy would disappear and then hit my friend with an email barrage just as she had given up on him.
"How does he know what I'm thinking? How does he know just when to show back up and just what to say?" she'd ask me incredulously.
A couple of times when she was out on dates with the new guy, Facebook guy would text her—seemingly only when she was out on a date. It was uncanny how he knew how to time his contact. She gave the new guy a chance—he spent the night once and his calls and text messages intensified. She immediately regretted giving him a chance.
Eventually, she let the new guy fizzle out and she still thinks about Facebook guy. As a matter of fact, the other day she told me:
"He just has power over me. I can't let him know it, but he does."
So, now I need you to help me understand how the female mind works. If a girl ever cheated on me, I wouldn't think twice—I'd be out of there. How many offenses does it take before you give up on a guy? Have you ever had a guy that seems perfect, but felt no spark, but tried to force it anyway? And, have you ever had jerks that you just can't let go of, or feel that they have a power over you? Why do jerks do so well with girls, and do you feel that they seem to have a sixth sense that helps them time their contact and interest in you? What kind of tactics did the jerk use to keep you around? What does it take for you to feel a spark?