Yet Another Example Of Shooting Myself In The Foot

The bars at Dewey Beach, DE are very close together along the water. This makes for an unfortunate situation when the night ends: several bar crowds travel down various tributaries emptying into a debaucherous circle in the road (opens in new tab). It looks like those sections of crashing waves where three of four separate waves come together and the water looks all confused and twisted.

It was in this mess one night where my friend and I found ourselves trying to locate the rest of our group. As we hung out there watching the craziness fly by, a cute girl materialized out of the mass of people and grabbed my friend and started kissing him.

Somehow, the girl became detached from my friend (probably brushed off him by some passing drunk) and ended up in my arms. We then proceeded to makeout in the circle. After a few minutes the rest of my friends managed to show up and we decided to go to a party at a friend's house.

As I started off with my friends, the girl called after me:

"Aren't you coming with me," she asked.

There was no conversation with my friends. We all knew what had to be done. I joined the girl and her friends-a mixture of guys and girls-and my friends continued on their way to the party.

My new group was not very talkative. I felt like an interloper. I didn't care, though. I felt spiteful bliss that I was going to infiltrate this group and makeout with the girl. (opens in new tab)

The group decided to stop off to pick up a pizza. As we left the pizza parlor, one of the guys passed the pizza to me:

"Here you go dude, carry this to our place? Thanks."

What an obnoxious assertion of dominance. I swallowed my pride and continued on with the group down the street. My makeout girl was jumping around in the front of the group and I could feel my connection with her slowly dying. With each step I grew more and more annoyed that I was carrying a pizza home for this group. Was it worth it to be total Pizza Bitch (opens in new tab) just so I could makeout with this girl...who probably didn't know whether I was me or my friend who she had just made out with too?

None of these people were talking to me. I finally snapped. (opens in new tab) Some drunk came up to me in the street and said:

"YES PIZZA!"

I said: "Want it? Take the whole thing."

With that, I was free of the pizza. I felt a renewed sense of liberty as I continued behind the group. I gave away the pizza out of spite, and I'd makeout with this girl out of spite.

When we got to the door of the apartment, the entire group turned around and looked at me.

"Where's our pizza," asked the one who had handed it to me.

"I don't know," I mustered. "

In the background, I saw the cute girl fall onto the couch, totally ready to make out.

"You can't come in here," said the group leader. He shut the door.

I then proceeded to get lost all over the beach town of Dewey trying to locate my buddies at the party. When I finally found them, I entered the door to my friends cheering for me. The poor guys thought that I had madeout with the girl. I shook my head "no" and the cheers turned immediately into "boos".

Funny how otherwise uncoordinated drunks manage to coordinate obnoxious noises.

My friends were astonished that I had given away the pizza, even at the risk of possibly not getting to makeout.

This is a great example of the tightrope one must walk (opens in new tab) when trying to makeout with a random girl. There are so many things that can go wrong getting to her place. Do not rock the boat (opens in new tab). Accept small sacrifices, like carrying pizza for a bunch of people you hate. And never, ever, do anything out of spite.

Have you ever been very close to making out with a guy, but you or him does something that completely stops it from happening? What reasons have you had for sending guys home prematurely after you've brought bring them home? Can't be anything as goofy as giving away pizza, can it?