My quest begins with a set of glands—located on the anterior wall of the vagina near the urethra and G-spot—called the Skene's Glands. If you're unfamiliar, the Skene's, my friends, are the mystical entities that are considered the epicenter of female ejaculation. I had always thought that squirting could only be attributed to fakeouts in porn and the occasional unicorn girl, but apparently everyone has these glands.
Big shocker: They're named after a man, Alexander Skene. The Skene's fill with fluid during sexual arousal and if stimulated during sexual arousal, sex, or masturbation, can actually release this liquid.
In a very informal Twitter survey, I asked my fellow vagina owners if they had ever squirted. The results were mixed: Out of 138 responses, 54% said "yes" and 42% "no." A pretty even split.
I am a sexual pioneer and have never squirted before (to my knowledge) so curiosity naturally got the best of me. Below, I embarked on a sexual journey to find my Skene's glands so I could teach myself to squirt. That's right, y'all.
Now, before I get too into this: squirting is not pee, at least not exactly. There are some elements of urine in the Skene's fluid, but it isn't urine. It's basically a watery, prostate fluid-like substance for the female body.
To locate the gland, you first have to find the G-spot which is located inside the vagina, right behind the pubic bone. Unlike the Skene's, you can actually feel the G-spot. It feels like a walnut textured patch of flesh.
If you can find the G-spot, the Skene's isn't far off. The problem? You won't be able to actually know if you're touching it. You have to get into the general area, listen to your body's pleasure centers, and hope for the best.
All of this was starting to sound like a bit of a crapshoot. When I asked Mal Harrison, my babe-friend and the Director of the Center for Erotic Intelligence about squirting, she assured me that not many women do. The notion that "all women can learn to squirt" is just something sex coaches say to sell more services, she said.
Rachel Venning, co-founder of Babeland and co-author of Moregasm: Babeland's Guide to Mind-Blowing Sex advised me that in order to squirt, arousal was *crucial* and suggested a wand vibe to stimulate the area.
Did that mean I could also be clitorally stimulated as well as G-spot stimulated? Venning gave me the thumbs up.
She also recommended thudding: "'Thudding' means deep repetitive pressure. The sensation is felt below the surface of the vaginal wall. It's not a rub, such as might please a clit. The repetition helps build the tension. Before the ejaculation comes a feeling of buildup, and it might feel like a need to pee. If you already peed, you will worry less about this."
Pee first. Got it.
Before we began the journey, I read the notes out loud to my partner in my seasonally inappropriate Christmas pajamas proclaiming, "I am the Indiana Jones of squirting!"
I did some research and procured a variety of g-spot toys to use. My partner then went to town with the "thudding."
We began with an Adam and Eve stainless steel G-spot stimulator. It's actually so heavy that after a while my wrist hurt. When my partner was using it, he wasn't even sure where to put it in up there and looked confused pretty much the whole time.
I wriggled around like a jellyfish until I found my g-spot. I did sort of feel the need to pee a bit during the stimulation. I wound up getting my clitoris in on the action manually and had an orgasm, but no squirting.
Nevertheless, I persisted.
The following day I got some advice from a friend. She told me to try using a vibrating wand on myself, so I did. It felt really wonderful and was a power-packed orgasm but I still didn't squirt.
This could have been because I definitely had a busier and more stressful week than usual. Mal had mentioned that stress can make squirting less likely for those who are able to do it at all. I tried to meditate and masturbate. Stiiiiiilll no squirting.
I found another technique where my partner used a vibrating wand on my G-spot while kneeling over me. Again, a mindblowing orgasm, but no squirting. The same went on for over a week.
And you know what? That's really okay by me.
What I've discovered is that my original shame at being unable to squirt was just another social construct to make women feel bad about not being able to do something. Squirting, while totally real for some women, is also the stuff of male fantasy (just look at RedTube). If you're not able to squirt, it's like you're letting your partner down. You may feel like he'll be off to find greener (and much wetter) pastures if you can't live up.
That is messed up! I put myself under a under a bunch of pressure to try and unlock some secret sexual skill I felt like I was missing out on. The real truth was that I wasn't missing out on anything. I had amazing, incredible, earth-shattering orgasms for over a week while testing this squirting theory.
I've decided not to see this as a failed experiment at all, but another reason to feel empowered by my body. You're not better or worse at sex or more or less of a woman if you can't squirt. Every vulva, every vagina, every clitoris is different and finds pleasure in different things.
I may not be a squirter, but I am a whole lot of woman just the same.