I used to think I've never had a broken heart, but upon further reflection I think my heart was broken once.
The strange thing is that my heart was not broken by a woman, but by my dad. When I was 8, my parents split up and he left the house for a while. He took a huge piece of me with him. At that point in my life, he was THE guy. I remember crying uncontrollably for a week or so, exhibiting behavioral problems in school, and having other problems develop.
Luckily, my parents got back together and they are still together today, and they seem happier than they've ever been(probably because they are not dealing with us kids). (opens in new tab)
People use the term "broken heart" loosely.I might quip that "it broke my heart" when the chicken skewer guy stopped coming around during the cocktail hour of a wedding. (opens in new tab) Or, it broke my heart when the Ravens lost that important game...OK, maybe the Ravens have broken my heart a few times for real.
In dating, people often think they've had their heart broken, or some people think they are heart breakers. But I think broken hearts are uncommon, and that's a good thing. I even know a handful of people who have never had their heart broken.
My little sister is a good example of this. She was too young to know what was going on when my parents split up, and she's never had anything happen to her that broke her heart.She seems to be more of a heart breaker. (opens in new tab)
I've listed some characteristics of an event that causes a broken heart below. Let mw know if you agree:
It Has To Be Sudden...And Almost Unbelievable
When my parents split up, I was introduced to something I never thought could happen. I wasn't prepared for it, and I was taken completely off guard. After we've been hurt enough times, we learn to expect bad things to happen and prepare ourselves emotionally for the bad things...even when things might be going well in a relationship. (opens in new tab)
The Person You Lose Must Be A Part Of You
There are people you date, and then there are people that are a part of you. The very special people you date are like family. When they are gone, a piece of you is gone. Losing my dad was like losing a huge part of my world, a foundation, and a support. Sometimes we dont' let people too close because we don't want to be dependent on them in case we lose them. I think Stevie Nicks said it best in Landslide:
"I've been afraid of changing because I built my life around you." (opens in new tab)
It Messes You Up In Other Parts of Your Life
Like I said above, I started having problems in other parts of my life when my dad left. When you break up with someone, you're bound to have problems in other parts of your life, (opens in new tab)but if your heart is broken you will suffer significant depression and other personal problems that you've never had will probably spring up.
Thinking About it Will Make You Sad Eternally
I'm not eternally sad, but I can cry on command if I think about those days when my dad was gone. I'm convinced actors/actresses use "broken heart" moments to cry. (opens in new tab)I believe a broken heart can be mended because as humans we are resilient. But just because something has scarred over doesn't mean you'll ever forget how that scar got there.
I don't mean to belittle other people's experiences. I'm actually trying to help put people's experiences in perspective. Losing some dude you dated for 6 months sucks, but it's nothing compared to losing your grandmother, or even your best friend.
I don't want anyone to have their heart broken, and luckily I don't think it happens to people too often...even though they think it has happened.
Don't let someone you've dated who ended up hurting you have that much significance in your life. Do they deserve it as much as your family and best friends? To me, someone has to be a complete part of you, worthy of all your trust, and best friend or family to be able to break your heart. I'd argue that it's pretty tough to have your heart broken in dating.
Do you agree with my thoughts above? Have you ever had your heart broken and, if so, by who and how?
Follow me on Twitter: twitter.com/richravens (opens in new tab)
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