Everything You Need to Know About Amazon Prime Day 2017

Take my money.

Courtesy, design by Monica Park

America was built on people revolting when they couldn't buy stuff at low, low prices, so what could be more patriotic than 30 hours of rampant commercialism? (Answer: Black Friday, on which shoppers actually kill one another over discounted flatscreen TVs, but that's another story.) Yes, we're referring to Amazon Prime Day, which is technically July 11 but begins at 9 p.m. ET July 10, because 'MURICA SHOP NOW. Here, all the crucial information about Echos and Kindles and "Alexa, order a defibrillator."

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When Is It?

We already told you: July 11, but it technically starts Monday night, running for 30 hours. Kind of like the Purge but longer and for Haribo.

But What About That Special Early-Access Thing I Heard About?

If you have a device equipped with Amazon's virtual assistant Alexa, you'll have a special two-hour window—before the regular folk!—to Supermarket Sweep the heck out of Prime Day. You've also got more than 100 pre-Prime Day offers available at the sound of your voice, some of which have been up for grabs since July 5, so GO. But if you don't have a Prime membership, you can still sign up through Alexa for $20 off. Some highlights:

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Oooh, I Love Toilet Paper—What Else Is Good?

It wouldn't be a Shopping Holiday without TVs! "Amazon is planning one of its largest total volume TV deals in history with a record level of inventory but once again, the TV deals will likely sell out," the company says. Great! Our guess on the first to go is the 55-inch Element 4K HDTV with Amazon Fire TV for $400 (that's $250 off). According to CNET, Amazon will also be selling loads of tablets, including the recently updated Fire 7 for $30 and the Fire HD 8 for $50 (from its regular $80). For the rest of the categories, it might be worth your while to have a search and "watch this deal"—or better yet, use camelcamelcamel to get price-tracking alerts.

Okay, If You Could Get One Thing, What Would It Be

You mean besides the toilet paper? (Yes.) That would be this 3-D printer.

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