Those lessons we learned in sex ed about waiting could be applied in the "grown up" world. All too often, sex doesn't happen at the right time. Our bodies are in synch, but our minds are not. He thinks one thing about the relationship, she thinks another. Sex means different things to different people.
The result of poorly timed sex is at least one person ends up getting hurt, which is why I'm a Born Again Virgin (well, I'm rejected a lot too- maybe that's the reason). How can we make sure that sex doesn't become bigger than a relationship, or cause a relationship to fail? The answer lies in timing, compatibility, and comfort level. Sex has the power to destroy a relationship, but it does not have the power to save a relationship. How many people stay together just because the sex is great? Sex can be a wonderful part of a relationship, but in my opinion, it's best to wait.
Here are reasons to wait:
It Filters Out The Jerks
A friend of mine recently told me that she ran into a guy she had gone out with a few times and the two of them decided to meet up again. They ended up at his place and he started putting the moves on her, and he got to the point of begging her to have sex with him even though she continued to tell him "no". Eventually, she made it out of the apartment and, despite the awkwardness of their date, she wanted to keep seeing him at least as friends. However, when she contacted him, he told her that he didn't think it was going to work out.
Witholding sex is the easiest way to see if a guy is only in it for the sex. If you don't have sex with him and he's just in it for the sex, he'll move on to someone else, and he'll most likely disappear. Maybe waiting will increase your chances of losing a guy, but why would you want to be with someone who was impatient with sex anyway?
You'll Know Each Other More, So It Might Be Better
It may be a novel idea, but the more you know someone, the more comfortable you are with them. I've never had the pleasure of having sex with someone who I knew as a best friend, who I felt comfortable with, and was on my wavelength. I bet having sex with someone after you've realized you're compatible in every way is an amazing experience.
It Builds Tension
While you're going on dates, and getting closer, the tension builds. You both know sex will eventually happen, but you don't know when. With each passing day, the desire and anticipation gets more intense. Isn't this more fun than a random drunk fling?
A Well-Timed Peak Is A Good Peak
It's never good to peak too soon. When this happens, you might burn out. I'm guilty like everyone else when it comes to vices and pleasure: I am so impatient that I get annoyed at the one second patch of silence while my iPod looks for a selected song. When I'm at a nice dinner and stuff my face too fast, it's not as pleasant as when I pace myself and enjoy my meal. Sex can be the same way: if you do it at the right time, then the relationship has a good pace.
One Night Stands Rarely Result In Calls Back
I can't stress enough that after a one night stand, I never call a girl back. In addition to the too early peak, whether it's fair or not, I have slightly lowered respect for a girl (and myself) after a one night stand. None of my guy friends have ever called a girl back after a one night stand, unless they plan to have a purely sexual relationship going forward.
You Can Always Go Forward, But You Can Never Go Back
This is the reason that so many Lifetime movies include that woman crying in the corner of the shower scene. They want to wash away that horrible man and the mistake that they made. While sex is tempting, if you can wait it out, you can avoid regret and mistakes. You can always have sex with a person when the time is right, but you can never erase a mistake. And these mistakes can set you back in dating.
Have you ever had a relationship that was destroyed by poorly timed sex? Do you agree that waiting is always good? What other reasons do you have to support waiting? Is there ever a reason not to wait?
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