Men are constantly trying to get to the point where they can face rejection while not letting it damage their overall happiness. And why shouldn't we? Dating is an endeavor that is laced with rejection. Look at how all the things that must go right:
I think you're cute.
You think I'm cute.
You are fun to talk to.
You think I am fun to talk to.
You are intelligent.
You gave me your number.
I actually called you.
You actually called me back.
We set a date to go out.
We actually stuck to that date, and showed up.
We had fun on the date.
We still talked after the date.
We went out again.
I can stand being around you for long periods of time, and vice/versa.
Looks like a lot of steps there. With so many steps involved in the process, chances are low for success.
I need to get over the fear of being rejected for how I look (opens in new tab). I'm so shallow that I'd rather a girl think that I'm a good-looking jerk, than a nice ugly guy. If she says:
"I don't want to go out with you, but you're really hot," I feel like I've attained victory in some sense.
I know I'm stupid, tough to get along with, and difficult to predict. I'm also kind of vulgar and let words fly without thinking, and I have a tendency to upset girls without even trying to do so. So, I just assume a girl figured this out and decided not to take the plunge-and I'm fine with that.
Well, what I told my friend was-I've gotten over trying to figure out why a girl has rejected me. What I do now, is find the silver lining in rejection.
And what's that silver lining?
Here it all is:
I Get To Wake Up Alone
The idea of making out is fun-kissing, even cuddling. But that all ends when you pass out. Morning cuddling and makeout is OK, but for me the morning is the time when I need to get myself together and do things I want to do. (opens in new tab) A girl in my bed is nice, but it usually takes up at least half the day, and usually it's awkward.
I Save So Much Time
I've solved sexual frustration by simply masturbating. After I'm rejected, I can go home, imagine what was going to happen, or connect my porn drive, masturbate, and in a matter of minutes everything is taken care of. And I get to wake up alone. My buddy and I figured, in five minutes of masturbation I can save about 14 hours of dealing with the girl that would have been with me if she hadn't rejected me. That is a time savings of 13 hours and 55 minutes. That leaves me free to work, futz around on my guitar, or watch history channel and read about Baltimore sports all day. (opens in new tab)
I Get to Keep Looking
Loneliness is the pits, but the right to look around and meet different people is very nice. If a girl isn't into me, I won't end up dating her, and I will be free to keep looking around and racking up rejection to my heart's content. A cabbie once told me that dating was so difficult in New York because: "no matter who you are dating, you will always see a more attractive woman every day in this city." (opens in new tab) A depressing, yet inspiring statement.
Under this thinking, I've officially accomplished the feat of balancing out success and failure. Sure, it would be great to go home with someone or date someone special. But, it's just as great to have all of the three things above happen. Considering the fact that I've never really been in love or in a great relationship, I don't know what I'm missing when things don't work out.
The key to dealing with rejection is not looking ahead at what could be: "this girl is so great, the dates would be so fun, my parents would love her," and so on...
Instead, just realize that it's not that bad if things don't work out, that there will be more chances on the horizon, and at least there are some good things about not succeeding. I guess it's just about staying even-keeled.
Have you had to deal with guys who don't take rejection well? Do you think my outlook is healthy, or is it bad to assume that there is anything good about being turned away by a love interest-- could this be part of the reason that I'm so lazy in my pursuit of love?
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