
My younger sister, Caroline, was diagnosed with severe anxiety six years ago, and learning how to talk about it was hard. We wanted to have meaningful conversations that felt like us, not like we were reading from a Full House script. So, we developed our own language—no empty “I’m feeling fine” comments allowed. Supportive but not earnest. Safe, not censored. We talk about breakdowns like we do reality TV: with candor and humor. Here, we discuss how anxiety has impacted our relationship and the power of a joke made out of love.
Megan DiTrolio: How are you feeling today?
Caroline DiTrolio: Terrified. And anxious for this interview. I haven’t taken my Prozac yet.
MD: Can you explain what your anxiety feels like?
CD: It’s like when you’re walking down the stairs and you miss a step, that’s how I feel when a waiter asks for my order. I’m obsessive about other people’s perceptions. I’m always trying to say the right thing, like it’s a script. I overanalyze every interaction that I have with strangers and my family. It’s exhausting.
MD: When you were diagnosed, we didn’t talk about it. Why?
CD: I felt a lot of shame. We’d never had a candid discussion about mental health in our family before, so I felt like it wasn’t appropriate to talk about. I wanted to pretend it didn’t exist.
MD: Now we often joke about your anxiety. You tell me, “I can’t go out to dinner because of my crippling anxiety,” and I say, “Put some pants on and let’s go.” And then, over a cheese quesadilla, we talk through your day. The joke is a way for us to start a dialogue. Why does that work for us?
CD: It helps me to laugh about it. I make jokes when I feel uncomfortable, especially about stigmatized things like medication. It’s my way of making something not so fun into something that we can connect over. To be clear: We’re never making fun of mental illness; we’re using humor to loosen up and start a candid conversation. Do I ever make you feel uncomfortable?
MD: Sometimes. I’m not always sure what’s okay for me to joke about and what isn’t.
CD: Honestly, it’s trial and error, which isn’t really fair to you. You’re not a mind reader, so it’s hard to know what’s going to make me laugh and what’s going to trigger me.
MD: It’s all about interpreting what you need—whether it’s a laugh or a heart-to-heart. Even though it can be difficult to find the line, starting with a joke breaks the ice to let us have a constructive discussion. It has made us closer as sisters.
CD: I agree. Anxiety was the elephant in the room; we had to talk about it. It had to become part of our relationship. I know that it’s affected you as well. Did you ever feel like your own struggles were overlooked because mine had a diagnostic label?
MD: There were times when I was really stressed and I wouldn’t want to bring it up because I didn’t want to weigh you down. And times when I didn’t want to share my successes because you were going through something.
CD: I’m sorry you felt that way. You should always share your successes because they make me happy.
MD: I don’t feel that way anymore because our relationship is so much stronger. I mean, we got tattoos to battle the illness together. And Mom and Dad almost had a heart attack. You’ve gotten another once since, right?
CD: Yes, I wanted a reminder that recovery is a process. It’s of a butterfly, and in the mental-illness community, that represents recovery.
MD: Do Mom and Dad know about it?
CD: No…
MD: Well, I’ll always support you and have your back, but I’d like this on the record: Mom, Dad, I had nothing to do with it.
This article appears in the July 2019 issue of Marie Claire.
RELATED STORY
Marie Claire Newsletter
Celebrity news, beauty, fashion advice, and fascinating features, delivered straight to your inbox!
Megan DiTrolio is the editor of features and special projects at Marie Claire, where she oversees all career coverage and writes and edits stories on women’s issues, politics, cultural trends, and more. In addition to editing feature stories, she programs Marie Claire’s annual Power Trip conference and Marie Claire’s Getting Down To Business Instagram Live franchise.
-
Sofia Richie Grainge's Favorite Foundation is On Sale Right Now at Sephora
There's no better time to try them than now.
By Brooke Knappenberger
-
Makeup Brush Sets for Creating the Perfect Looks
Options for makeup experts and beginners alike.
By Gabrielle Ulubay
-
Meg Bellamy of ‘The Crown’ Was Nervous to Recreate Kate Middleton’s Iconic Charity Fashion Show Walk
“I would love her to think fondly of it.”
By Rachel Burchfield
-
Senator Klobuchar: "Early Detection Saves Lives. It Saved Mine"
Senator and breast cancer survivor Amy Klobuchar is encouraging women not to put off preventative care any longer.
By Senator Amy Klobuchar
-
How Being a Plus-Size Nude Model Made Me Finally Love My Body
I'm plus size, but after I decided to pose nude for photos, I suddenly felt more body positive.
By Kelly Burch
-
I'm an Egg Donor. Why Was It So Difficult for Me to Tell People That?
Much like abortion, surrogacy, and IVF, becoming an egg donor was a reproductive choice that felt unfit for society’s standards of womanhood.
By Lauryn Chamberlain
-
The 20 Best Probiotics to Keep Your Gut in Check
Gut health = wealth.
By Julia Marzovilla
-
Simone Biles Is Out of the Team Final at the Tokyo Olympics
She withdrew from the event due to a medical issue, according to USA Gymnastics.
By Rachel Epstein
-
The Truth About Thigh Gaps
We're going to need you to stop right there.
By Kenny Thapoung
-
3 Women On What It’s Like Living With An “Invisible” Condition
Despite having no outward signs, they can be brutal on the body and the mind. Here’s how each woman deals with having illnesses others often don’t understand.
By Emily Shiffer
-
The High Price of Living With Chronic Pain
Three women open up about how their conditions impact their bodies—and their wallets.
By Alice Oglethorpe