Why Do I Feel So Damn Guilty All the Time?
Enough already.
Sometimes it feels like we ladies can't escape the constant headache of guilt–for missing a friend's birthday dinner, for not working hard enough, for working too hard, for drinking one too many martinis on a Wednesday night (oops).
And the thing is, it's not in your head. "Women are subjected to a lot more cultural messaging (i.e. advertising) that is perfectionist in nature than men are, especially when it comes to body image," psychotherapist Dr. Joe Burgo reasons. Okay, so this is nothing new. But Dr. Burgo thinks that advertising is even more insidious than we thought, suggesting it preys on our insecurities until we internalize its message as a personal standard.
Moreover, while women tend to internalize criticism and hold themselves more responsible for mistakes, men tend to deflect criticism and to make more excuses. Hence, when we're harsh on someone at work, we can stay up all night worrying about it, and it seems like our male colleagues don't give a slip-up a second thought.
"The kind of guilt we're talking about is not very useful," adds Dr. Burgo. There's no evolutionary need for beating yourself up because you haven't been to the gym in a month–instead, it's just demoralizing.
"The way out is to take a hard look at your own internalized values, your own ideals, your own perfectionism," explains Dr. Burgo. "Ask yourself about how you look at other women and how you look at yourself. Don't let your ideals originate outside of yourself."
Noted. But I won't beat myself up if I'm not perfect at it right away.
Follow Marie Claire on Instagram for the latest celeb news, pretty pics, funny stuff, and an insider POV.
Stay In The Know
Get exclusive access to fashion and beauty trends, hot-off-the-press celebrity news, and more.
As Cosmopolitan’s deputy editor, Rosa Heyman oversees a team of whip-smart editors and hilarious writers who bring you some of the best investigations on the internet, from dissecting the latest Kardashian drama to uncovering the link between white supremacy and misogyny. She currently manages the news and social teams and develops the strategy for how the brand best distributes content. You can usually find Rosa glued to her phone workshopping a cheeky caption for Cosmo’s Instagram account.
-
32 Great TV Shows That Capture What We Love About Our Closest Friendships
Watch these with your bestie (or when you miss them).
By Katherine J. Igoe Published
-
Princess Kate's Sculpted Cheeks Could Be the Work of This Insider-Loved Treatment
The technique also has Meghan Markle's stamp of approval.
By Hanna Lustig Published
-
Kaia Gerber Test-Drives Selena Gomez's Winter Shoe Styling Hack
There's still a way to wear those open-toe heels.
By Halie LeSavage Last updated
-
Senator Klobuchar: "Early Detection Saves Lives. It Saved Mine"
Senator and breast cancer survivor Amy Klobuchar is encouraging women not to put off preventative care any longer.
By Senator Amy Klobuchar Published
-
I'm an Egg Donor. Why Was It So Difficult for Me to Tell People That?
Much like abortion, surrogacy, and IVF, becoming an egg donor was a reproductive choice that felt unfit for society’s standards of womanhood.
By Lauryn Chamberlain Published
-
The 20 Best Probiotics to Keep Your Gut in Check
Gut health = wealth.
By Julia Marzovilla Published
-
Simone Biles Is Out of the Team Final at the Tokyo Olympics
She withdrew from the event due to a medical issue, according to USA Gymnastics.
By Rachel Epstein Published
-
The Truth About Thigh Gaps
We're going to need you to stop right there.
By Kenny Thapoung Published
-
The High Price of Living With Chronic Pain
Three women open up about how their conditions impact their bodies—and their wallets.
By Alice Oglethorpe Published
-
I Used to Imagine Murdering the Men I Dated
Falling in love helped me finally figure out why.
By Jessica Amento Published
-
60 Workout Apps for Women Who Want Results (Without a Gym Membership)
Easy fitness plans you can follow without fear of judgment.
By Bianca Rodriguez Published