I can't find the "perfect" girl because I've created a personality in my mind that may not exist.
My perfect girl could be characterized as a "Tom-Princess".
Here are five contradictions that exist in my imaginary ideal girl:
1. She is very put together, but she doesn't mind coming apart.
I go crazy for girls who look polished on the surface: pretty hair cut straight across the back, perfect bangs with that amazing diagonal slant that almost hides one eye. I love when a girl pays attention to fashion too (opens in new tab): jeans with heels, creative looks, or anything that just works for her.
While she's polished, I want her to be able to laugh at herself when she's caught in the rain or when she trips over a rift in the concrete. She's not always dressed up, she'll love to veg in sweats as well.
She'll basically walk into a room looking like a goddess, but prove to be very down to earth under all of the polish. She's the gorgeous one who can drink with the best of them (opens in new tab) and get a bit rowdy at a party. She likes to get a martini in a nice lounge or check out fine art, but also likes playing flag football, camping or fishing.
2. She is really smart, but she doesn't know so much so that I can't show her new things.
Another contradiction: I want to meet a girl who has passion for knowledge and is able to teach me random things, and educate me about life. But, she can't be so smart that I can't bring anything to the table.
3. She has structure in her life, but also appreciates goofiness and nonsense.
We all know one of my major weaknesses is that I have no structure in my life (opens in new tab). I'm a poor budgeter of time and money. I need to find someone who can provide structure without nagging me. She needs to be like my best guy friends: I go to them for practical advice to balance my thinking that is driven by imagination and gut reaction.
She needs to give me room to make mistakes, and laugh at me because she finds it hard to believe that anyone's mind can be as scattered as mine. But she will be a pillar I can lean on and trust.
4. She seeks intellectually stimulating entertainment, but also loves stupid things that don't make her think.
She needs to have the ability to appreciate the fine arts and expose me to new genres of sophisticated entertainment. But, she also needs to be able to watch goofy films like Sixteen Candles, stupid horror movies, bad TV while making fun of all of it with me. And, of course, she needs to be able to analyze, predict, and appreciate Lifetime movies like my buddies and I do (opens in new tab).
5. She needs to be a "girl" but also one of the guys.
This is a delicate mix; I don't want her to be too much of a guy with my friends. At the same time, if she's too prissy I'll get annoyed.
These contradictions are all based on being a princess, polished and perfect, while vulnerable and down to earth. I find that most girls I've met so far in NYC have been too much one way or the other.
When a girl is a total princess, I get annoyed and they come off as icy and inconsiderate. When she's "one of the guys" then she just becomes a friend and I start trying to go for her friends because I can't think of her romantically.
In the celebrity world, the closest person to my perfect girl is Amanda Bynes. She's really cute, and can have that polished look. But at the same time she has a boundless sense of humor and she isn't afraid to flaunt her inner clutz.
Is defining "perfection" in a girl a dangerous proposition? Perhaps I am creating this impossible girl because I'm ultimately afraid to commit. If I make an ideal that doesn't exist, maybe I'm unconsciously ensuring that I won't have a shot at a relationship (opens in new tab).
Maybe I just want to date someone who is a really pretty best friend.
Do you think it's possible to find a girl like this out there? Perhaps I just need to find a mix of everything I want, but not have such rigid requirements on how exact this mix needs to be. If you define your perfect guy, is he full of contradictions like my perfect girl?
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