The Single Most Important Thing to Find Out About a Guy?
Should you find out about a certain crucial relationship as soon as possible?
Lovelies:
Yesterday, a Reader's Digest story (posted by Your Tango) caught my eye, because it was all Freudian like that. Called "Why We Love Who We Love," it was about how men are attracted to women like their mothers.
As the writer, Dr. Joyce Brothers, puts it:
Our mother's characteristics leave an indelible impression, and we are forever after attracted to people with her facial features, body type, personality, even sense of humor. If our mother was warm and giving, as adults we tend to be attracted to people who are warm and giving. If our mother was strong and even-tempered, we are going to be attracted to a fair-minded strength in our mates. The mother has an additional influence on her sons: she not only gives them clues to what they will find attractive in a mate, but also affects how they feel about women in general. So if she is warm and nice, her sons are going to think that's the way women are. They will likely grow up warm and responsive lovers and also be cooperative around the house. Conversely, a mother who has a depressive personality, and is sometimes friendly but then suddenly turns cold and rejecting, may raise a man who ... has been so scared about love from his mother [that] he is afraid of commitment and may pull away from a girlfriend for this reason.
Now, this whole thing about guys falling for women like their mothers is nothing new. Just ask Ian Frazier, who parodies it in his hilarious humor piece Dating Your Mom. It begins:
In today's fast-moving, transient, rootless society, where people met and make love and part without ever really touching, the relationship every guy already has with his own mother is too valuable to ignore. Here is a grown, experienced loving woman — one you do not have to go to a party or a singles bar to meet, one you do not have to go to great lengths to know. There are hundreds of times hen you and your mother are thrown together naturally ... just the two of you, alone. All you need is a little presence of mind to take advantage of those situations.
But the story from yesterday made me think:
Hey, should we all find out as much as possible about dudes' relationships with their moms as soon as possible, in any dating situation?
Stay In The Know
Get exclusive access to fashion and beauty trends, hot-off-the-press celebrity news, and more.
(That shouldn't be very hard to do, by the way. In most cases, you simply ask — and remain interested — and ask another question, and another — and you'll learn plenty. Most people like to talk about themselves, and about their relationships with their parents.)
Now, I'm not saying the background on a guy's relationship with his mother will be helpful because it will mean you can
alter
your behavior to be like the woman who gave birth to him. But here are three reasons why it might be useful:
-It might help give you a sense of whether the two of you will be compatible long-term.
-It might help you anticipate — and prepare for — him pulling away when things start to get serious, which he is more likely to do if he had a depressive or distant mother, particularly if you're warm.
-It also might help you make sense of it all if you've had a sudden breakup.
What do you people think? Ladies, have you had experiences with men that made you say, "Well, it's all because of his mother"? And men, do you blame (or thank) your mothers for your current relationship woes (or happiness)?
I am still slightly wounded from a recent little fling, and I've wondered more than once if the depressive mother of the person in question might help to explain why he pulled away so suddenly.
xxx
-
Taylor Swift Sweetly Dishes on Travis Kelce With a Young Swiftie at Children's Hospital
"I like Travis now," the fan shared.
By Kristin Contino Published
-
I Found the Most Luxe Beauty Stocking Stuffers Your Friends Actually Want
Beauty editor-tested and approved.
By Ariel Baker Published
-
32 Great TV Shows That Capture What We Love About Our Closest Friendships
Watch these with your bestie (or when you miss them).
By Katherine J. Igoe Published
-
The All-Time Favorite Sex Positions of 11 Real Women
"It makes me feel like the sexiest woman on earth."
By The Editors Published
-
The 22 Best Vibrators, According to Sex Toy Experts
The vibes are immaculate.
By Gabrielle Ulubay Last updated
-
The 20 Best Sex Games for Couples in 2023
Who said game nights need to be wholesome?
By Gabrielle Ulubay Last updated
-
The 14 Best Lubes for Every Need
Good sex should always go smoothly.
By Gabrielle Ulubay Last updated
-
30 Female-Friendly Porn Websites for Any Mood
All the best websites, right this way.
By Kayleigh Roberts Published
-
The 82 Best Cheap Date Ideas for Couples on a Budget
"Love don't cost a thing." —J.Lo
By The Editors Last updated
-
Diary of a Non-Monogamist
Rachel Krantz, author of the new book 'Open,' shares the ups and downs of her journey into the world of open relationships.
By Abigail Pesta Published
-
COVID Forced My Polyamorous Marriage to Become Monogamous
For Melanie LaForce, pandemic-induced social distancing guidelines meant she could no longer see men outside of her marriage. But monogamy didn't just change her relationship with her husband—it changed her relationship with herself.
By Melanie LaForce Published