Sure Signs a Guy's a Player
Is he exhibiting suspicious textual behavior -- and putting too much sexual pressure on you? Well...
Yesterday, I blogged about the advice my male friends have for interpreting a guy's mixed signals.
Today, as a follow-up, I want to talk today about another writer-lady's very smart advice on how to determine whether or not a guy is a player. Susan Walsh writes the blog Hooking Up Smart, which I came across when she mentioned one of my columns in a post of hers. In it, she made a number of smart points about players — and I'm summarizing the good stuff for you here.
1. Players text too much.
As Susan points out, players will often send a lot of basically meaningless "sweet" texts, along the lines of, "How was your day?" and "Hey, just thought I'd say I'm thinking about you" and "Sleep tight." While this kind of thing is fine once you've established true intimacy with someone, if a dude is pulling this kind of BS before you've had four or five dates at the very least, chances are pretty good he's full of shit. Or else kinda pathetic.
2. Players text at the last minute.
Do they ever! Now, I think it's obvious when someone texts you at midnight, asking what you're up to, that he's just looking for sex. But players will also send more innocent-seeming texts, saying stuff like, "Hey — spontaneous invite — wanna grab dinner tonight?" Or, "This week is starting to look brutal. I'm free tonight but will probably have to work late through the weekend. Wanna grab a drink later?" While this kind of informality might come off as charming or enthusiastic, I think you should never agree to a last-minute plan unless you've already been on multiple dates with a guy — or unless you feel confident that he is pretty into you. Whatever you do, if you agree to a last-minute plan, do not also agree to go home with him! Unless all you want is casual sex.
While we're on the topic of cellular communication, I will add:
Stay In The Know
Get exclusive access to fashion and beauty trends, hot-off-the-press celebrity news, and more.
3. Players text a ton one day — and then days and days go by with nothing.
I think this is a power trip thing, or else just basic inconsiderate behavior, or else a ploy to get you feeling insecure and jumpy and greedy for any kind of communication from him.
4. Players will pressure you for sex early.
Starting on, like, date one. And it will feel like pressure. It will make you uncomfortable or it will seem like a deviation from his typical behavior or both. It's different from the feeling of excitement and enthusiasm two people will feel when there's mutual attraction and mutual respect.
5. Players will not respond well if you voice hesitations about having sex.
They will try to talk you into it instead of being cool with your desire to wait. As Susan puts it, "Even if it's charming and he couches it in terms of wanting you really badly, it's still pressure. A man who wants something real with you will respect your decision about timing." Totally. The charming ones are the worst.
Does any one of these rules, by itself, signal a player? Certainly, I think chances are very high that any guy who is being overly persistent about sex is most likely a douchebag, no matter how incredibly into you he seems — and I speak from unhappy experience.
As for the stuff about texting: If he's doing any — or all three of those things — and you're not sure where you stand with him, or something seems not quite right, I'd be on guard. You might want to say something like, "Texting can be so distracting — I'd really prefer if you e-mailed me or called me to make plans." Or else say, "Look, considering I don't know you very well, I'd prefer to make plans in advance. Last-minute invites are not my thing."
All right? What do you ladies (and gents!) think about all this? Am I right on? Or a little hysterical?
-
Selena Gomez Says Yes to Fur, Suede, Sequins, and Ruffles at Once
She really did look like a billion bucks in this cozy, textural outfit.
By Hanna Lustig Published
-
This Year's Christmas TV Specials Include a Sabrina Carpenter Celebration, Beyoncé's Halftime Show, and More
Here's when to watch every festive, red-hot performance airing throughout December.
By Quinci LeGardye Published
-
Sabrina Carpenter and Barry Keoghan Have Split After a Year of Dating
Thank you for "Bed Chem" and an unhinged music video.
By Kristin Contino Published
-
The All-Time Favorite Sex Positions of 11 Real Women
"It makes me feel like the sexiest woman on earth."
By The Editors Published
-
The 22 Best Vibrators, According to Sex Toy Experts
The vibes are immaculate.
By Gabrielle Ulubay Last updated
-
The 20 Best Sex Games for Couples in 2023
Who said game nights need to be wholesome?
By Gabrielle Ulubay Last updated
-
The 14 Best Lubes for Every Need
Good sex should always go smoothly.
By Gabrielle Ulubay Last updated
-
COVID Forced My Polyamorous Marriage to Become Monogamous
For Melanie LaForce, pandemic-induced social distancing guidelines meant she could no longer see men outside of her marriage. But monogamy didn't just change her relationship with her husband—it changed her relationship with herself.
By Melanie LaForce Published
-
100 Sex Songs That Won't Make You Cringe
Dim the lights and hit play on this sex songs — the perfect playlist of songs to have sex to.
By The Editors Published
-
33 Unexpected Valentine's Day 2023 Date Ideas
A.k.a. not dinner and roses.
By The Editors Published
-
How to Stay Safe Using Dating Apps and Websites
Did you know your favorite dating apps may be selling your intimate information? Swipe right on privacy with these key safety tips.
By Jenny Hollander Published