I had dinner with my BFF Daisy Milliner over the weekend, and she told me a horror story about a friend of hers--a nice, successful, smart girl who waited till the SEVENTH DATE to have sex with a guy she thought she liked. After the sex--and SEVEN DATES!--he didn't call, didn't text, didn't contact her in ANY WAY. Nearly a week later, when she texted him Thursday to find out if they were still on for a Friday dinner, he texted back to say, "I've been meaning to get in touch. I think this isn't going anywhere. So maybe dinner isn't such a good idea."
In other words, THE END.
And he told her so IN A TEXT.
Recently, I asked you guys about the proper spelling of douche bag. In the case of this Casanova, I think it would be spelled like this: Total f*ckwad. (And you male readers out there? Please don't do anything similar to what he did. I expect more from you nice boys.)
I happened to mention that TERRIBLE story to a few male friends I saw last night, two attractive Yale grads in their mid-thirties with good jobs (who attended my friend Teddy's book reading with me). The Yalies said: "If a guy likes a girl a lot, there's not much she can do that will turn him off--including sleeping with him on the first date. On the other hand, if he's mainly looking for sex, it also doesn't matter how long she holds out. The guy will keep taking her out on dates--even as many as seven--until he gets laid. And then he'll ditch out."
All that might suggest--contrary to the male friend I quoted yesterday--that a woman shouldn't fret too much about when she has sex with a guy, because while waiting may lead to more dates with someone who's not that into you, it won't make much difference when it comes to finding a serious relationship. In other words, maybe having sex sooner rather than later will save you time in the long run.
And yet ... I've decided to wait till I've been dating a guy two months before having sex with him. I'll tell you more about why tomorrow.
Meantime, feel free to weigh in on this question: Do you think waiting could make a guy more into you than he might have been otherwise?
(Today's musical bonus comes to us by way of Foreigner.)
The 15 Best Comedy Movies on Hulu
For when you just need a good laugh.
By Megan DiTrolio
The Spring 2022 Handbag Trends to Get Excited About
The humble bucket bag is back.
By Sara Holzman
The Hottest New Beauty Trend Is Ice Cold
These ingenious cryotherapy-inspired finds are worth bearing the chill.
By Rachel Jacoby Zoldan
The 50 Best Vibrators, According to Sex Toy Experts
The most trusted source in feelin' yourself.
By Alanna Greco
The 16 Best Sex Games to Spice Up Date Night With
Game night, but make it hot.
By The Editors
COVID Forced My Polyamorous Marriage to Become Monogamous
For Melanie LaForce, pandemic-induced social distancing guidelines meant she could no longer see men outside of her marriage. But monogamy didn't just change her relationship with her husband—it changed her relationship with herself.
By Melanie LaForce
Four Flirting Fun Facts--With Research to Back Them Up!
My pal Judy Dutton just wrote an excellent new book: How We Do It: How the Science of Sex Can Make You a Better Lover. She's chatted with me about the psychological studies that show how best to flirt; what kind of pick-up lines work best; and what you're really saying with your body language.
By Maura Kelly
100 Sex Songs That Won't Make You Cringe
Dim the lights and hit play on this sex songs — the perfect playlist of songs to have sex to.
By The Editors
75 Movie Sex Scenes That Are 100 Percent Real
These actors aren't faking anything.
By Mehera Bonner
33 Unexpected Valentine's Day 2022 Date Ideas
A.k.a. not dinner and roses.
By The Editors
Cult Status Satisfyer Vibrators Are Under $40 for Prime Day
4 stars, 16k reviews...yeah, this vibe's got a massive fan club (for good reason).
By Carina Hsieh