Does Waiting to Have Sex Make Any Difference?

Will holding out make a guy more into you than he would've been otherwise?


I had dinner with my BFF Daisy Milliner over the weekend, and she told me a horror story about a friend of hers--a nice, successful, smart girl who waited till the SEVENTH DATE to have sex with a guy she thought she liked. After the sex--and SEVEN DATES!--he didn't call, didn't text, didn't contact her in ANY WAY. Nearly a week later, when she texted him Thursday to find out if they were still on for a Friday dinner, he texted back to say, "I've been meaning to get in touch. I think this isn't going anywhere. So maybe dinner isn't such a good idea."

In other words, THE END.

And he told her so IN A TEXT.

Recently, I asked you guys about the proper spelling of douche bag. In the case of this Casanova, I think it would be spelled like this: Total f*ckwad. (And you male readers out there? Please don't do anything similar to what he did. I expect more from you nice boys.)

I happened to mention that TERRIBLE story to a few male friends I saw last night, two attractive Yale grads in their mid-thirties with good jobs (who attended my friend Teddy's book reading with me). The Yalies said: "If a guy likes a girl a lot, there's not much she can do that will turn him off--including sleeping with him on the first date. On the other hand, if he's mainly looking for sex, it also doesn't matter how long she holds out. The guy will keep taking her out on dates--even as many as seven--until he gets laid. And then he'll ditch out."

All that might suggest--contrary to 
the male friend I quoted yesterday--that a woman shouldn't fret too much about when she has sex with a guy, because while waiting may lead to more dates with someone who's not that into you, it won't make much difference when it comes to finding a serious relationship. In other words, maybe having sex sooner rather than later will save you time in the long run.

And yet ... I've decided to wait till I've been dating a guy two months before having sex with him. I'll tell you more about why tomorrow.

Meantime, feel free to weigh in on this question: Do you think waiting could make a guy more into you than he might have been otherwise?


(Today's musical bonus comes to us by way of Foreigner.)