Can Bad Sex Be Improved?

I recently a read a Q&A in which a woman describes struggling with dating a "nice guy." (opens in new tab) Everything is going well until they have sex — it's bad. I thought it was a shame that a relationship that seemed to be heading in the right direction could be derailed by problems in the bedroom. I'm not going to argue that sex can't destroy a relationship, (opens in new tab) but I think, sometimes, bad sex can get better.

Couples can overcome physical challenges. In the beginning, it's tough to know what your partner enjoys. So, being "off rhythm," touching the wrong spots, trying the wrong , or (opens in new tab)being a poor kisser can be fixed. (opens in new tab)Physically, you can coach each other on your likes and dislikes. After a while, you'll know what to do, and how long to do it. With work, communication, and honesty, bad sex based on physical issues can be improved.

But if it's a mental disconnect that's making sex unsatisfying, it's tougher to fix. A friend of mine once told me that sex with her boyfriend was so boring, she used to count the tiles in his bedroom ceiling during the act. For a good mental sexual connection, there needs to be some lust involved. In a long-term relationship, lust is rooted in the chemistry you share with your partner. It has to occur naturally — it can't be taught or intensified through conversation. Just like any other activity, sex won't be amazing every time. You're both have off days. So, don't jump to conclusions after a few bad encounters.

Finally, there is a spiritual connection that can happen during sex. This type of connection, or lack or connection, is tough to change or improve. There are many reasons that one may not be satisfied spiritually during sex. It all has to do with that person's core beliefs.A man who is gay, but hasn't been with another man yet (opens in new tab), will not spiritually enjoy sex with women. People who have monogamous sex when they secretly long for multiple partners will not be spiritually satisfied. Conversely, people who are having casual sex, when they actually want a long term relationship, will feel empty. Satisfying your spiritual side sexually requires knowing what you want and working to fulfill that desire.

In my opinion, only one type of sexual "issue" can be fixed. If you're mentally or spiritually unsatisfied, you might have to think about whether you're with the right person.

Do you agree with my point of view? What are your thoughts? Can bad sex be improved more often than not?