Whether you're in a committed relationship, a situationship, or simply dating around, it's always nice to add variety to one's sexual repertoire. And if introducing sex toys or kink to the bedroom is a little too much too soon for you and your partner, or if such options feel uncomfortable or awkward for you, then you might just be in the market for a sex card game. These sex games bring an interesting mix of both structure and variety to your love life by challenging you and your partner to talk about or act out things you never have before.
However, the variety of sex card games out there is surprisingly large. For that reason, we've asked sex expert Esther Perel to share with us her ultimate guidance on why you should try sex card games and how to find the right one for you.
"It is the quality of our relationships that determines the quality of our lives," Perel maintains, when explaining her penchant for sex card games and her drive to create her own game, Where Should We Begin. "Today, we often need new resources to help us manage the complexity of relationships, because the norms are shifting under our feet, and the rules that guided us through the relational landscapes have really changed massively. So we often find ourselves with a lot of choice, but also a lot of self-doubt, and a lot of uncertainty."
During the pandemic, Perel explains, this sense of uncertainty and isolation magnified, inspiring her to find "a playful way, an educational technology, a social technology that is playful, that is fun, that allows people to try out things and to take risks within the safe container of a game."
Why a Sex Card Game?
"One of the beautiful things about playing a game is that it gives you a different script than the one that you just had in your head when you were playing the role of the spouse or the partner," says Perel. Games, she explains, can spice up a relationship or simply prevent monotony by allowing you and your partner to switch up your prescribed script and find a new way to be intimate—both physically and emotionally.
Plus, she says, framing intimacy as game-play can allow both partners to feel more at ease than they might in normal circumstances. "If I tell you a story and it's very serious and linear, it's completely different than if I'm telling you the story that is wrapped in a ritual called, 'We're playing,'" she says.
She also points out that card games are a more familiar, comfortable way of adding variety to your sex life than sex toys might be. "It's not about buying a certain toy or sexual accoutrements or a candle or anything like that," she says. In those situations, she admits, "people may laugh, because it feels awkward; because it doesn't fit anymore in the relationship." On the other hand, card games often encourage storytelling and structured exploration.
"Storytelling is a wonderful bridge to each other," she says, explaining that they can encourage vulnerability with one another without forcing it. "In the course of telling stories, you find yourself suddenly experiencing vulnerability that you never anticipated. It just suddenly came over you, but you are protected by the game. So when it's somebody else's turn, there's an end to it. You're not tied to 45 minutes in a [couples' therapy] session."
What To Look For in a Sex Card Game
When selecting a sex card game, it's important to consider the type of romantic experience you're looking to have. For instance, are you looking to verbally answer questions that can serve as foreplay (i.e., a question about your favorite kinks or about your favorite parts of your partner's body) or would you prefer a game whose cards dare you to perform certain sex acts?
If you want to start by taking it slow, Perel recommends finding a game with open-ended questions. This way, each partner can ease their way into the vulnerable, often sexual, mindset. "I love open-ended questions because it allows people to then take them anywhere they want," she says. "No yes and no answers, but stories that it's like the power of the imagination."
Furthermore, it's important to consider how competitive you want your game to be. When Perel was making her game, she says she considered all sorts of possibilities: "I thought, what card game should it be? Do you win against each other?"
Just as she considered these "game mechanics" when crafting the rules for Where Should We Begin, you should also consider what sort of logistics would work best within you and your partner's dynamic.
And if you or your partner are still nervous about the pressure that a sex card game might instill, Perel says to look for games with different levels of intensity or intimacy. In those cases, "nothing is geared towards pushing you for revelation. You can play it completely safe, you can position yourself at any level you want."
- Best Sex Card Game Overall: Where Should We Begin: A Game of Stories
- Best Sex Card Game to Play with Friends: We're Not Really Strangers XXX
- Best Sex Card Game for Casual Partners: On the Green Couch "Use Your Mouth " Sex and Relationship Conversation Starter Cards
- Best Sex Card Game for Long-Term Relationships: Tantric Sex Cards (50 Pack)
- Best Sex Card Game for Foreplay: Unbound Truth or Dare Cards
- Best Sex Card Game for Getting Down to Business: Let's Get Naked Card Game
Best Sex Card Games For Emotional Intimacy
"It's good for every stage of a relationship, because in a way the intention will change the way you play," Perel says of her game. "It's a game that you play when you are building a relationship. It's a game that you play when you want to be fueled and regenerate and infuse lightness and playfulness and energy into your relationship. It's a game that you play when you say, 'I don't want to talk about the kids, I don't want to talk about work.'" I, too, have played the game with a number of people at this point—both romantic and platonic—and it's deepened my relationships every time.
You may have heard of We're Not Really Strangers through its flawless Instagram, its popularity amongst TikTok users, or its recent cameo on Only Murders in the Building. The game, which is among my very favorites to play with friends and partners alike, is meant to deepen connections and foster intimacy, and these particular edition features 300 questions and wildcards that allow players to delve into their kinks, preferences, and more.
Rowntree recommends this game for couples who are looking to heighten the emotional and physical intimacy. "Our Moments is great for couples regardless of how long you have been together," says Angie Rowntree, founder and director of the ethical porn site Sssh.com. "The game is structured around asking questions to foster intimacy—many of which you might not have even thought to ask in the course of your usual small talk."
Sex educator Tara Jones specifically recommends this product, and reviewers agree that it's filled with thoughtful, open-ended questions aimed at further acquainting both partners with one another. Customers also say it's fun to play whether you're casually dating or in a committed relationship.
"Use Your Mouth is perfect. It’s created by a therapist & sexologist and receives rave reviews," says sexologist Dr. Jess O’Reilly. "Games that get you talking about feeling, fears, dreams, fantasies and vulnerabilities are a great place to start whether you’re in a long-term relationship or you’ve just met."
This deck includes both emotional and sexual questions, but users note that the vast majority of the prompts are sexual and romantic. Reviewers love the game for its ability to start new conversations and reinvigorate date nights.
Sex Card Games for Physical Intimacy
Dr. O'Reilly recommends this game for new couples or for those interested in playing sex card games in a group setting, where you might "want to ease the tension and enjoy the ride." She adds,"This one is a great option if you’re down for a good time."
Marla Renee Stewart, MA, a sexologist and sexpert for Loverssays that this game is perfect for long-term couples who "have been in a rut, explaining that "it helps you to have sexual goals." The pack contains a month's worth of sexual activities, boasts rave reviews, and, in Stewart's words, "it helps you to look forward to something each and every day!"
"If you want a game that will help you to push the boundaries and experience new sensations with lots of variety, consider the Dirty Deeds," says Dr. O'Reilly. Rowntree also stands by this game, saying that it's perfect for sex game beginners and for those who "want to try something a little kinkier but don’t want to overwhelm."
Dr. O'Reilly also recommends this unique game, which challenges you to try different sex positions based on thoughtful, Tantric sex. "It encourages you to slow down, set the mood and be in the moment," she attests.
This game has a near-perfect online rating. It takes Truth or Dare—that popular game we all once played at slumber parties—and adds a sexy spin. Every single card, include the "truth" bunch, is meant to set an erotic mood and inspire physical touch. Several reviewers write that the prompts were so good, they were only able to get through a few before they couldn't help but get down to business.
In the words of Rowntree, this game is perfect if you're "really into oral" or if you're simply looking to explore it further. Reviewers love the game for how fun its prompts are and for how it successfully injects originality into this popular form of physical intimacy.
For more, visit our Sexual Wellness section, where we unpack topics around consent, kink, sex toys, and more so you can have your safest and very best sexperiences yet.
Meet the Experts
Esther Perel is a popular author, relationship therapist, psychotherapist, and podcast host who believes that strengthening the quality of one's relationships fortifies the quality of one's life. Originally born in Belgium, her work has been translated into 24 languages and counting.
Marla Renee Stewart, MA is a professional sexologist and intimacy/relationship/sex coach. In addition to working as a speaker and author on these topics, she is also a sexpert for the sexual wellness brand Lovers ,owns a sexual education company called Velvet Lips, and is a faculty member at Clayton State University, where she teaches Sociology and Women’s and Gender Studies. Co-Founder of the Sex Down South Conference and a board member of both PARK Reproductive Justice NOW! and the Diverse Sexualities and Research Education Institute, Stewart is passionate about bringing together diverse voices in order to spread sexual education and liberation.
You may also know Stewart from the media: She has been featured on over 60 podcasts and and television shows, making appearances on the likes of Netflix’s Trigger Warning with Killer Mike, VH1's Love & HipHop Atlanta, GPB's Personal Injury Court, and Oxygen's Bad Girls Club: Atlanta. In addition, she also sits on the Boards for SPARK Reproductive Justice NOW! and the Diverse Sexualities and Research Education Institute.
Canadian-born Angie Rowntree is an award-winning indie filmmaker who pivoted into ethical porn when she founded Sssh.com, a porn site that exclusively produces ethical, feminist material. The site has won numerous awards and is the longest running feminist porn site on the internet.
Dr. O’Reilly is an award-winning sex and relationship expert. Through her company, Happier Couples Inc., she provides online and in-person relationship education to couples. She also works with corporate executives and business owners to help them form stronger professional relationships, and she has performed extensive research on making classroom-based sexual education more robust and accessible. In addition to working as an expert for Lovehoney, she is also featured on Global TV’s The Morning Show and PlayboyTV’s Swing, and co-hosts the Sex With Dr. Jess Podcast with her partner, Brandon Ware.
