The 20 Best BDSM Toys and Kink Toys

Maybe you're kinkier than you think.

collage with woman's legs and sex paddle that says "baby"
(Image credit: Brittany Holloway-Brown)

With the popularity of books like 50 Shades of Grey, which swept the nation when it was published in 2011, kinky sex has become less and less taboo in mainstream culture. However, many people still hesitate to try kink themselves, even if they're kink-curious or fascinated by unique vibrators or kinky sex toys, movies, and literature.

"One of the most common misconceptions is that something is wrong with people for engaging in kinks in the bedroom and within their relationships, but that isn't true," says Lovehoney sex educator Javay Frye-Nekrasova. "Kink gives people an opportunity to explore themselves and their relationships on many different levels."

Kink is essentially any unconventional sexual practice and includes everything from bondage to roleplay to dominant/submissive experimentation. And contrary to popular belief, kink doesn't necessarily need to be all that out of the ordinary.

"In general, we still do not live in an entirely sex-positive society," says Angie Rowntree, Founder & Director of ethical, sex-positive porn site Sssh.com. "The definition that I’ve adopted to explain sex positivity is, 'All sex is good sex as long as it’s consensual and pleasurable.' This simple definition challenges some of the biggest misconceptions about kink—namely that kink is weird, strange or perverted (this is a word I particularly dislike!)."

If, like many of us, you've indulged or thought about indulging in kink in the bedroom, then you've come to the right place. We got in touch with a slew of sexperts equipped to answer all your most pressing questions about the best sex toys for kink, how to have a conversation with your partner about kink, and how to get started. 

Kink and Relationships

Many people see BDSM and/or kink as purely sexual and lacking in affection, but this misconception couldn't be further from the truth. 

Indeed, Frye-Nekrasova agrees, pointing out that care, communication, and trust are "deeply ingrained in kinky activities." She elaborates, "When you are safely and properly engaging in kinky activities, you have communication about what is and isn't okay between partners. There is communication in place so that everyone is heard throughout the experiences, and there is trust: Trust that someone will not take advantage of the situation or you, trust in knowing that the situation will play out as previously discussed, and trust in the partner."

Dr. Holly Richmond, who is a Dame Clinical Board medical advisor, somatic psychotherapist, licensed marriage & family therapist, and certified sex therapist, agrees that kink seamlessly blends into any consensual, affectionate, and loving relationship, and refutes the assumption that kink is necessarily dangerous, saying that, when coupled with thorough communication, "kink is the opposite of dangerous. Kink is thoughtful, transparent, and consent-driven. Because of copious amounts of clear communication, the possibilities for pleasure are endless."

She goes on to point out that for long-term couples, kink can be an essential aspect of partners' sexual repertoire, because it "offers the novelty that keeps things hot. Novelty is the seat of human desire, and for the couple in long-term relationships, finding things that are new or provide a sense of adventure in the bedroom (or elsewhere!) isn’t always easy. Kink is an ideal solution for bringing freshness back to a solid relationship where things have, perhaps, gotten a little stale."

Kink and Safety

Although kink is fabulous when safe and consensual, as with all sexual activities, it's important to practice safety and to consistently check in with one's partner(s) during sex—especially with acts like pain-play, BDSM, and role-play. 

"Submission never means 'non-consensual' or 'reluctant,'" says Rowntree, encouraging partners to communicate with complete openness before, during, and after sex, and suggesting that those interested in "serious BDSM play" take classes and connect with the BDSM community in order to thoroughly educate themselves on ensuring safety.

One well-known way of establishing sexual boundaries within kink, for example, is using safe words.

"When people play with power and sensation in a sexual, body-based way, safe words ensure that the sensations are always pleasurable rather than hurtful. For some people, pain is part of their sexual repertoire, but pain is also an essential part of how they experience pleasure. Anything that feels hurtful or especially uncomfortable—physically or emotionally—has the capacity to be paused or stopped with a safe word," says Dr. Richmond. "Be sure to choose a word that isn’t “stop” or “no” since those are often part of power dynamics or role-playing scenes. My clients tend to choose a word that is unlikely to come up in a sexual scenario, like 'violin,' 'poddle,' or 'sidewalk.'"

Sexologist Marla Renee Stewart, M.A., sexpert for sexual wellness brand Lovers, adds that safe words don't even need to be words—especially if your kink of choice involves gagging or if you have difficulty verbalizing yourself during sex. She suggests, "You can do things like hold your hand out, a fist up, or even tapping out."

Finally, be sure to communicate with your partner(s) after sex as well—particularly if you really liked or disliked something that they did. This both keeps you safe and guarantees satisfying, uninhibited play in the future. 

Deals on Kink and BDSM Toys

Dame The Power Trip Kit $240 $218 | Dame

Dame The Power Trip Kit $240 $218 | Dame

This sex toy kit has it all: A g-spot vibrator, an external vibrator, and a bottle of premium lube to facilitate your (or you and your partner's) first foray into sex toys.

Lovehoney Oh! Feather Tickler $10 $4 | Lovehoney

Lovehoney Oh! Feather Tickler $10 $4 | Lovehoney

Whether you're just discovering BDSM or you're beginning to explore roleplay, a feather tickler like this one is a must-have.

Best Kink and BDSM Toys For Beginners

The world of kink is vast, and can be accessible to all people, regardless of their level of experience, so long as one moves at a gradual pace that ensures the comfort and safety of all parties involved.

"BDSM/kink is a large encompassing genre of sexual practices, and there’s plenty of space to explore for adults at all levels of experience," Rowntree confirms. "For instance, blindfolding a partner with a scarf, or tying their hands together - that is kink. Tickling them with a feather is kink, but so are the more elaborate forms like rope bondage, suspension, flogging, etc, which should never be attempted without proper training."

So if you and/or your partner(s) are new to kink and want to start with something on the tame side, check out some of our favorite products below that are perfect for the kink-curious.

Best Kink and BDSM Toys for Spanking and Impact Play

Spanking and flogging are probably among the first sex acts you think of when you think of kink. These acts can be immensely pleasurable for both the giving and receiving parties, but they still have a reputation as violent.

"Probably the biggest misconception is the way in which safe, sane and fully consensual BDSM play has been equated with abuse or violence, or that BDSM is only about sex," says Angie Rowntree. "Many people simply do not understand what BDSM is."

If you're interested in spanking or being spanked, try starting with using your hands to lightly smack your partner—with their consent, of course—once things have begun to heat up. Marla Renee Stewart also suggests taking classes on sexual flogging and spanking in order to master a technique by which you avoid hurting your partner. 

"Once you feel good about that, you can move on to a spanking instrument," she says. Keep scrolling to check out a few of our favorites.

Toys for Bondage and Sensory Deprivation Play

Angie Rowntree cites "blindfolding a partner with a scarf, or tying their hands together" as a great form of kink for people of all experience levels.

"If you’re looking at 'beginner' BDSM sex toys," she continues, "try out some handcuffs (they make soft, adjustable ones with velcro restraint so no worrying about a lost key!), or a sexy satin blindfold to experience sensory deprivation, or explore impact play with a paddle or riding crop. You can frequently find 'beginner bundles' of BDSM toys in many sex shops."

Toys for Nipple Play

Nipple play is a great way to get started with kink, since nipples are erogenous zones that you've likely already had experience stimulating. If you're interested in exploring beyond standard caressing and sucking, try nipple toys to experiment with different sensations. "If you don't know yet the form or intensity to use with toys using a softer material is better," suggests Frye-Nekrasova. Then, feel free to experiment with clamps, silicone toys, and other products, like the ones below.

Toys for the Kink Experts

Whether you're an aspiring kink connoisseur or you're already a BDSM sexpert, it's important to pay attention to the quality of a toy before you try it out. Below, we've listed some of the best, most highly rated toys for the kink-advanced. 

For more, visit our Sexual Wellness section, where we unpack topics around consent, kink, sex toys, and more so you can have your safest and very best sexperiences yet.

Starting The Conversation

If you know that you're interested in kink, it might be nerve-wracking to bring your desires up to a partner that you've heretofore had more traditional sexual encounters with. There are communicative, positive, and fun ways to talk about your fantasies, though—without making your partner feel attacked or defensive. 

"It is most effective to share what you like and what you would like to explore, rather than pointing out aspects of the sexual relationship that you don’t like or are bored with," says Dr. Richmond. The goal is to help your partner stay engaged rather than get defensive. Leading with curiosity and kindness almost always ensures this."

For instance, she recommends opening the conversation by asking one's partner if there is anything they would like to try. "By asking them what they are interested in exploring, you will also have a chance to share," she explains. "For example, 'I’ve been really enjoying when we’ve played with different toys, and was thinking I'd like to try _______. What do you think? What are you enjoying most about our sex life right now? Is there anything you’ve been wanting to try?'"

In the same vein, Stewart suggests bringing the subject up casually or teasingly, with phrases like, "I love how strong your hands are. I think they would be great giving me a spanking. Don't you think?"

You can even explore the possibilities within kink together, by looking through kink activities or kinky porn online together. Javay Frye-Nekrasova points out that Lovehoney's Instagram posts a number of kink ideas, and that "you can send them to your partner to start the conversation and gauge their interests all while showing them different toys and products you would be interested in using with them." She also recommends taking a BDSM Test "to figure out what exactly you both are interested in and where you align or differ in terms of kinks."

Meet the Experts

Javay Frye-Nekrasova
Javay Frye-Nekrasova, MEd

Javay Frye-Nekrasova, MEd, is a sex educator, pleasure professional, and sex expert for Lovehoney. Specializing in pleasure, communication, and sex toys, she is passionate about making comprehensive sex education accessible for all and is in the process of earning a PhD in Human Sexuality from the California Institute of Integral Studies. Her research focuses on sex work, porn, as well as the relationship between the media and society's understanding of sexuality. She also provides sex education via YouTube and social media for her digital series, In Bed With a Millennial. You can find her on Instagram here: @MillennialSexpert.

Dr. Holly Richmond
Dr. Holly Richmond

Dr. Holly Richmond is certified sex therapist as well as a licensed marriage and family therapist. She has a PhD in Somatic Psychology and, through her work, aids clients with relationship and sexuality concerns through a unique combination of cognitive and somatic, or body-based, means. 

sex expert Marla Renee Stewart
Marla Renee Stewart

Marla Renee Stewart, MA is a professional sexologist and intimacy/relationship/sex coach. In addition to working as a speaker and author on these topics, she is also a sexpert for the sexual wellness brand Lovers ,owns a sexual education company called Velvet Lips, and is a faculty member at Clayton State University, where she teaches Sociology and Women’s and Gender Studies. Co-Founder of the Sex Down South Conference and a board member of both PARK Reproductive Justice NOW! and the Diverse Sexualities and Research Education Institute, Stewart is passionate about bringing together diverse voices in order to spread sexual education and liberation.

You may also know Stewart from the media: She has been featured on over 60 podcasts and and television shows, making appearances on the likes of Netflix’s Trigger Warning with Killer Mike, VH1's Love & HipHop Atlanta, GPB's Personal Injury Court, and Oxygen's Bad Girls Club: Atlanta. In addition, she also sits on the Boards for SPARK Reproductive Justice NOW! and the Diverse Sexualities and Research Education Institute.

Angie Rowntree
Angie Rowntree

Canadian-born Angie Rowntree is an award-winning indie filmmaker who pivoted into ethical porn when she founded Sssh.com, a porn site that exclusively produces ethical, feminist material. The site has won numerous awards and is the longest running feminist porn site on the internet.

Gabrielle Ulubay
Beauty Writer

Gabrielle Ulubay is a Beauty Writer at Marie Claire. She has also written about sexual wellness, politics, culture, and fashion at Marie Claire and at publications including The New York Times, HuffPost Personal, Bustle, Alma, Muskrat Magazine, O'Bheal, and elsewhere. Her personal essay in The New York Times' Modern Love column kickstarted her professional writing career in 2018, and that piece has since been printed in the 2019 revised edition of the Modern Love book. Having studied history, international relations, and film, she has made films on politics and gender equity in addition to writing about cinema for Film Ireland, University College Cork, and on her personal blog, gabrielleulubay.medium.com. Before working with Marie Claire, Gabrielle worked in local government, higher education, and sales, and has resided in four countries and counting. She has worked extensively in the e-commerce and sales spaces since 2020, and spent two years at Drizly, where she developed an expertise in finding the best, highest quality goods and experiences money can buy.

Deeply political, she believes that skincare, haircare, and sexual wellness are central tenets to one's overall health and fights for them to be taken seriously, especially for people of color. She also loves studying makeup as a means of artistic expression, drawing on her experience as an artist in her analysis of beauty trends. She's based in New York City, where she can be found watching movies or running her art business when she isn't writing. Find her on Twitter at @GabrielleUlubay or on Instagram at @gabrielle.ulubay, or follow her art at @suburban.graffiti.art