What to Do If Cowgirl Position Isn't Working for You

Don't get me wrong, cowgirl position works for a lot of women. I get it. When I asked a few friends for their opinion, the feedback was mixed. Some say it's their favorite position of all time (opens in new tab). Others would rather clean the skid marks out of their partner's underwear.

One friend candidly told me that she'd, "Sooner nix sex forever than be forced to go through an entire sex session on top (opens in new tab)." A little morbid, but point taken.

I'm with her on this one. I cannot stress enough how much I loathe cowgirl (opens in new tab). Unless I lie forward and grind, I'm not into it. It's legitimately a full cardio workout. I'm more exhausted after being on top than after an hour with my peppy spin instructor, Denise. There are moments during cowgirl when I wonder if I will have a heart attack. My epitaph will read, "She died while riding that D, as her friends and loved ones would have hoped."

Seriously, expecting me to come in this position is like expecting me to be okay with handing over my bank account à la The Handmaid's Tale (opens in new tab). It isn't going to happen.

As a sex educator, sexual pioneer (if I do say so myself), and bonafide pillow princess (opens in new tab), I have spent years perfecting the art of a lazy, clitorially satisfying cowgirl position—as well as some brilliantly coy ways to avoid it altogether.

Here is the lowdown on what to do if cowgirl just isn't working for you.

1. Get some extra lift with the help of pillows.

I refer to this position as "The Pillow Prayer." Cowgirl often entails bouncing up and down at a rapid and uncomfortable speed. I find myself so distressed by the treacherous toll gravity is taking on my poor bosom, while simultaneously trying not to vomit, that I can't enjoy myself in the least.

Sure, you can slow it down and grind your clitoris against your partner's penis/dildo and pelvis, but it's only a matter of time before he or she is going to want you to bounce again. I get it, it's more pleasurable for the other person and they deserve to feel good.

So, to add some extra lift, take two pillows and stick them under each knee. This is most successful with couch pillows, as they are less squishy than your sleeping pillows. Your partner still gets the full range of motion, but you don't have to bounce as high. Trust me, it makes a big difference to the thigh burn.

2. Suggest other positions that you actually enjoy.

Use your words to guide your partner into an alternate position. Your partner probably won't get turned on by you saying something like, "I'd rather sink with the Titanic," when they inquire about cowgirl.

Instead, use your sexiest voice (opens in new tab) to suggest something else, something you'd really enjoy. Try, "I'd much rather let you take me from behind, babe. You're so sexy when you dominate me." Be creative.

Avoid taking the fire out of the moment (opens in new tab) and simply shift the moment to something else.

3. Go for lotus instead.

Truth be told, it's kind of hard to avoid cowgirl forever. You might be kind of lazy, but you don't want your partner to *think* you're lazy.

Lotus is a great alternative to cowgirl because you're still on top, being a little sexy minx, but you're not on the brink of death the entire time. To pull off lotus, have your partner sit up on the bed and straddle him or her so you're sitting face to face.

You can rock back and forth for optimal clitoral stimulation, all while being in control. Since you're able to passionately make out while you're doing it, it adds an extra layer of intimacy that is very sensual.

4. Use your forearms for balance.

We've established that thigh burn is a B, so take some of that strain off by utilizing your upper body. While bouncing with your lower half, lean forward and place your forearms on either side of your partner's head.

He or she gets a wondrous face full of tits and you get a reprieve from teetering on the brink of death. Truth be told, this one gets exhausting after a few minutes as well, but it will allow you stay in cowgirl for a few minutes longer than usual.

5. Bring a toy into the bedroom (and have your partner use it on you).

Two out of three women require clitoral stimulation to achieve an orgasm (opens in new tab). When you're wildly bouncing up and down, your clit often gets neglected. Plus, all that aforementioned thigh burning can take you out of the moment.

Bring a couples vibrator into the bedroom and have your partner use it on you. He or she will be distracted by giving you pleasure, which gets you off the hook from bouncing. Plus, you *will* come on top.

It is very sexy to see your partner so turned on. For easy partner-play fun, try the Fin from Dame (opens in new tab). It's easy to use, stays in place, and id all around non-threatening.

6. Let your partner "top" you from the bottom.

If you get down on your forearms and start to near your tap out point, curve your belly under, like the "cat" yoga position. This will give your partner room to top you from the bottom.

You get to stay stationary in an isometric hold, while your partner sets the pace. He or she is in control, even though you have given the impression that you're in control. Make it extra hot by telling your partner how sexy it is when he or she tops you from the bottom.

Go forth and get some. You've got this.

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