In the live-action Beauty and the Beast, there was originally an enchanted, talking toilet character named Monsieur Toilette. That means that in the movie's world, there was a human character who was transformed into a talking toilet, and the Beast probably dumped gigantic loads in him on the regular. What a life!
According to Entertainment Weekly, the enchanted toilet was played by actor Stephen Merchant, and you can see him briefly in the Blu-ray release of Beauty and the Beast. In a deleted scene, Le Fou hides from a fight in a bathroom and is shocked to find a talking toilet in the room with him. Fair.
I'd like everyone to take a moment to fully grasp this concept. This was a human character who was transformed into a (typically) inanimate object, and instead of say, a teapot, or a feather duster, this poor fool became a crapper.
Now, I have some questions. What was his life like before this transformation? I mean, Mrs. Potts was a cook (makes sense), and Lumière was some sort of a butler (I'm assuming), but what the hell was Monsieur Toilette?! A sewage-maintenance man? A bathroom attendant? I don't understand. Please someone explain everything to me immediately.
Also, I think we can all agree that Beauty and the Beast was a worse movie for not having Monsieur Toilette in it. R.I.P. Monsieur Toilette.
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I write on Fox’s THE GREAT NORTH. Before that, I wrote and edited for Cosmopolitan magazine and the Jezebel blog. My writing has also appeared in the New York Times, The New Yorker, Esquire, VICE, Marie Claire, McSweeney’s, California Sunday, BUST, Elle, Village Voice, Harper’s Bazaar, LA Weekly, Eater, Fast Company, Mic, Atlas Obscura, and more. I co-host/co-produce a comedy/storytelling show on the first Friday of every month at Stories in LA. I have a degree in Film and TV from NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts.
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