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Yesrday's
USA Today "Life" section featured the topic of infidelity in marriage.
The article remarked on the rise of infidelity and the implications of
this rise. For one thing, Americans are beginning to face the reality
that infidelity is not just about having sex. It's about "having a
life"--in other words, having intimate, meaningful conversations and
experiences. Reporter Sharon Jayson interviewed experts who express
concern that, while our ancestors expected too little from marriage,
people today expect too much of marriage. It seems we idealize
marriage and form expectations of our spouse that no single person can
fulfill. So most (up to 80%, the experts say) decide to play around,
committing various kinds of infidelity, sometimes at the cost of the
marriage.
My mother once said, "One comfort of living plural marriage is that I
always know who my husband is with when he's not with me. And I know
that she shares my values and my commitment to the family." During
frequent periods of my father's unavailability (he was a doctor as well
as a spiritual leader) my mother turned to her sisterwives for comfort
and consolation, for fun and companionship. She relied on them for
back-up childcare and home care, and for general moral support. When
she wanted to prepare for a piano performance or if she was sick, or if
she simply wanted to spend the week with her mother, the sisterwives
took over for her. Of course, the arrangement didn't lack jealousies
and rivalries, resentments and frustrations. In my experience, the bad
often outweighed the good. But those who think plural marriage has
nothing to recommend it may be stuck in idealization of monogamy-and
that always exacts a price.
