It's so awkward at the end of a first date (especially when there is no spark) when the guy says the old: "so, are we going to see each other again?"
One can argue that rejecting someone is tougher than getting rejected. But a tricky time to reject someone is after the first date. They ask you out again, you're not interested, and you have to let them down.
This rejection is more intense than just telling someone "no" when they ask you out for a first date, or ask for your number, because you've both invested energy in a date. Rejecting someone's request for a second date sends the message that the first date was a failed tryout.
Rejecting someone before a first date is not as intense. Without any history, that person you are rejecting hasn't developed feelings for you, or gotten their hopes up. And at least if they don't get a date, they don't know what they are missing, and they can make bitter statements such as:
There are a couple of ways to reject a guy for a second date, depending on how the first date went. The first two I suggest are for a nice guy with no spark. The second two are for a total jerk, or that guy who thinks you're in a relationship after one date-and he won't give in. I'm sure you've all been through it before: guys get too much hope from one date and they are hard to get rid of.
Here are my suggestions for rejecting a guy for a second date:
The Little White Lie - A little white lie saves a guy from humiliation. Try something like: "hey I had a great time, but I still have issues with an ex. I thought I was ready but it's not fair to you for me to date right now. I'll give you a call some time if things change." It's self-sacrifice because you appear confused. But, it gives him an excuse other than "I wasn't good enough". Now this tactic does leave him a sliver of hope. "Once she gets over her bf, I can get with her". If you don't want to leave him a sliver of hope, just say you're not ready to date and leave the "issue" murky. Then he won't know what to hope for.
Just Friends - This is a gentler rejection because it's not shutting the guy out completely, but it's saying: "you're a good person, I just don't see you as more than a friend." From a guy's point of view, it's nice to know that a girl wants to be friends, but if we are attracted to her we will try our best to change that, so be on alert every time you see him after that and stay out of situations that might give him a false opening-like being in your place alone with him.
You Sucked - Save this one for jerks who need to know what idiots they were on the date. This is anything from "you had your hands all over me," "you talked about your exes the whole night," to "you were condescending," etc. If someone truly sucks then you are doing a favor by telling them to change their behavior, and probably helping other women because he might stop that behavior on future dates. Even the stupidest fool understands not to bother you anymore after you tell him this...well maybe.
Disappear - It's harsh, but you might have to disappear for him to get it. I think nice guys deserve some closure but if the guy was a jerk and you don't want to lash out at him and pummel him as a symbol for all jerky guys, simply vaporize. The guy should get the point if you stop corresponding, and if he doesn't, then he's just proving that you made the right decision.
Perhaps I've complicated things-rejecting a guy was tough enough, now I'm suggesting that the further along you are, the tougher rejection gets. If you've gone on a date with a good guy, and didn't feel the spark, he deserves closure. If you go with a jerk, use tactics from different ends of the spectrum: lash out, or disappear.
Do you find it tougher to reject a guy for a second date than it is for a first date? What kinds of tactics have worked best for you when rejecting the guy? Have you tried any of the above tactics? Do you agree that guys get their hopes up way too high after one date?
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