Thanks to Kim and Alec's latest—and ugliest—chapter, the bitter public split is officially back. We wade into the muck of the most memorable.

KEVIN FEDERLINE VS. BRITNEY SPEARS (MARRIED 2004 TO 2006)

In a nutshell: The oft-erring pop tart reportedly called K-Fed the biggest mistake she ever made and sent him packing with a meager $13 mil.

Who got custody of the fans:
Hmm...bald party-mom or deadbeat, pothead dad? We'll call it a draw.

PAUL MCCARTNEY VS. HEATHER MILLS (MARRIED 2002 TO 2006)

In a nutshell: Mills accused McCartney of knocking her around; Sir Paul countered with personality complaints, graciously ignoring the stories of his baby-mama's porn and prostitution past.

Who got custody of the fans:
Joint. Paul gets the U.K.; Mills gets the U.S., thanks to Dancing With the Stars. (Come on, she's only got one leg.)

ANNE HECHE VS. COLEY LAFFOON (MARRIED 2001 TO 2007)

In a nutshell: Heche filed for divorce, citing her unemployed videographer husband's porn addiction. Laffoon countered with a reminder that Heche is bonkers.

Who got custody of the fans: Laffoon, thanks to Heche's recent adventures—some girl-flirting and an affair with her equally married Men in Trees costar.

KIM MATHERS VS. MARSHALL "EMINEM" MATHERS (MARRIED 1999 TO 2001, PLUS THREE BLISSFUL MONTHS IN 2006)

In a nutshell: In their broadcast war of words, Eminem said that he'd rather have a baby through his penis than get remarried. Then he did. To Kim. Then they broke up. Then she claimed said penis was small and inoperative.

Who got custody of the fans:
Eminem. That fourth album was a masterpiece.

ALEC BALDWIN VS. KIM BASINGER (MARRIED 1993 TO 2001)

In a nutshell: Among other things . . . she likened him to Saddam Hussein; he called her female divorce lawyer a "homunculus whose face looks like a cross between a bulldog and a clenched fist." Oh yeah, and he recently ripped their daughter a new one in a phone message that's since entered the cultural lexicon.

Who got custody of the fans: We can't stay mad at you, Alec.

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