Late March is one of the most un-romantic times of the year. I get angry at how long it takes for the weather to get better. This year has been no different: the cold, dreary, rainy-ness of late winter hangs on. The seasons affect my dating mood. Because there is no known scientific unit small enough to measure my attention span, I’m happy that seasons change here in the Northeast. Some seasons are more fun, some are more romantic, and some just require me being single. Fall is my favorite dating season, and Spring is my least favorite. Below are the dating seasons ranked from worst to best:
Most people find this to be a romantic time of year. With pheromones and pollen clogging up our nostrils, how can we not want to find a mate? However, a closer look at what’s going on reveals the awesome power of nature. Plants and animals try to spread their seed to as many mates as possible. The pollen in the air is aimed at more than one flower. Flowers are some of the most horny, polygamous organisms out there. This is what happens to me. That first warm week hits, the girls wear skirts and I’m suddenly out from under winter’s gray shroud. This is the best time for girls who do not have confidence in their legs to wear skirts. That first week of warmth, I’m so desperate to see legs, I look at every pair of exposed legs with gusto until I finally get back to my overly-critical, picky self. With all the super cute girls in such great moods, it is tough to just stick to dating one girl.
Winter has its moments. The holidays are an amazing time to be with someone, party hopping, eating, exchanging gifts and selling out at the gigantic tree at Rockefeller plaza. Then there is New Year’s, and it’s always fun to have someone to kiss at New Year’s. That Auld Lang Sine song makes me feel happy and miserable at the same time. But, after the holiday fanfare, I grow more and more depressed and angry. Some may say it would be nice to have someone at this point. I disagree. Part of the problem is that my two favorite sports, pro football and college basketball, are in full swing. I stay in, cook, watch TV, and don’t want to deal with anyone. I look to achieve that perfect state of nothingness. This requires me being alone. It gets too cold, and I don’t want to go outside, or be required to do anything.
Summer has good and bad qualities to it. There are romantic times in summer: late evenings with that really cool light on the horizon, crickets at night, cookouts, beaches, etc. But some of these things are double-edged swords. Places like cookouts and the beach leave open the possibility for drink your face off craziness—which can get muted if you are under the watchful eye of a girlfriend. Every 4th of July, my college buddies and I head to Dewey Beach, DE for a week of debauchery. The bars empty out into this place we refer to as The Circle of Death. It is a circle intended for cabs and cars, but at closing time it fills up with drunks from five surrounding bars. It is here that the destructive energy rivals that of a spiral galaxy. People pour into the circle and rotate randomly around the central black hole (represented by a mal-nourished palm tree in a concrete pot). One summer, a girl grabbed my friend and kissed him. She then fell into my arms where she kissed me and invited me back to her place. I managed to wreck that. But, this represents the romantic duality of summer: the bars by the calmness of the sea, emptying out into the raunchy circle of death. It’s a confusing time for us all.
Not to rhyme this time, but Fall has it all. The changing leaves, the burning wood smell...and the cold is actually welcome. By this time, summer has worn me out. I’m ready to be with someone, experience the changing season, hit the Autumn markets, watch football. It has the perfect mix of relaxedness and craziness. My desire to be with someone in Fall could be traced back to my early years when I’d start liking someone around late September in school. I’d associate songs with her, and fruitlessly try to get her to date me. In fact, from 7th grade through mid-college, I compiled a whole list of girls who I began liking in the fall...