Sometimes it’s hard for me to differentiate falling in love with someone versus falling in love with the idea of someone.
My sister once met a British concert pianist during a business trip. I wish I was clever enough to make this stuff up, but...
She returned, ready to break up with her boyfriend of three years, and ready to tour the world. I figured she was just ready to get out of her relationship and this impossible dream guy was the excuse she needed.
But after a trip to Dewey Beach DE this past weekend, I found a way to relate to what my sister had gone through.
Sadly, my version of a “three year relationship” was just a girl that I was trying to date who was simply having none of it. Around this time, I went to the beach with my buddies and, at our favorite bar-- The Starboard-- I met this incredible girl.
Well, I didn’t exactly meet her. I stumbled into the bar’s merchandise store drunk and hit on the poor girl while she was at work. This raises another question I have for you all: is it OK to hit on girls at work? I have a problem: I hit on girls at work often. But after I’ve spoken to a girl at her job for a while I get nervous that her boss is noticing her socializing with a patron, or that she’s just annoyed that I’m bothering her while she’s trying to work. It’s solidifying my theory that romantic comedies teach me bad things. In a romantic comedy, it’s perfectly ok for a guy (albeit a cute and unthreatening guy) to linger around a girl while she’s at work, or stop by her work intermittently to brighten her day—even if she doesn’t know him well. But when I try to do it, I am awful. Ok, so I was leering and drunk at the time. Couple this with the fact that the girl was from Slovakia and barely spoke English—adding the ignorant drunk American factor to me.
The girl did everything I mentioned in my “4 Easy Pieces” post—she smiled the whole time. She told me about how Slovakians hate Russians, she was gorgeous but very down to earth. I managed to get the name of her town in Slovakia and her email address written on a piece of paper...that I still have in my memory box under my bed (I promise I’m not psycho).
When I got back home, I looked up her town and fell in love with it-- with its cobblestone streets, and castles. I couldn’t get her off my mind...at least until I wrote her an in-depth, too-much-English, teetering-on-the-edge-of-stalking email about how great it was to meet her and how beautiful I thought her town was because I had looked it up. Of course she didn’t respond—she was either confused or scared.
After I recovered from my stupidity, I realized that this girl had put me in a great mood because she had shown me that it was possible to find someone who was attractive. After dealing with this other girl who was difficult and not responsive, meeting the Slovakian was exhilarating.
This past weekend the bartender at the Starboard told me she’d be back this summer. He agreed she was gorgeous but made a bigger point about her being very nice. It dawned on me that the poor girl was nice to every single person she met and that she had been hit on by hundreds of other drunk, transient beach town Americans like me. So, I can’t give myself much credit for thinking I did well with her.
At the time I was vulnerable, feeling rejected and loving any positive attention-- even if it was from a gracious girl who happened to be at work.
The Slovakian was as close to anyone I’ve ever met that represented sheer beauty inside and out. No, I didn’t date her, never heard back from her, and I’ll probably never see her again—but I’ll never forget her. And, sometimes, these types of people are important to meet because they shepherd you from despair to hope.
So this brings up more questions than answers, unfortunately. Do you ever get hit on at the gym or at work, or a place where you have a specific agenda, and what do you think when this happens? And, in moments of desperation or disappointment, do you find that you cling onto things that can never happen? Do you have anyone in your life that you didn’t really know or date, but that gave you hope that there are good and attractive guys out there?