"You know it's a movie when a girl's ponytail has hair covering the rubber band part," tweeted writer Jill Kargman. Truer words have never been spoken—and come to think of it, there are so many movie tropes that have 0.03% chance of happening in the real world.
We're rounding up the most common instances of on-screen beauty blasphemy, because seriously, who are they trying to kid?
The lipstick that doesn't smudge when you kiss. No matter how you
slice shellac it, a perfectly painted lip and making out will always be at odds. Kissing outside the lines is a good thing, so why not embrace it?
The breezy driving-in-a-convertible hair. Headband or not, when the roof's down and we're cruising the highway,we literally look like medusa.
The elaborate braids that you definitely didn't DIY. Sorry Katniss, but your game-day plaits require a minimum of four hands, yards of hair extensions, and neck muscles we just don't have.
The tangle-free sex hair. This one's a biggie because Hollywood loves a good on-screen tryst, yet can't seem to accurately depict how a woman's hair really looks after a roll in the hay: a tangled mess. Which leads us too...
The morning-after bun. Sex inevitably leaves hair all snarled up—particularly in the back, which makes an artfully-disheveled morning-after bun, like the kind Fifty Shades of Grey's Anastasia Steele seems to be so fond of, a total myth.
Hair that doesn't frizz in humidity. Kissing in the rain is a silver screen signature, but somehow the wet dog look or unintentional 'fro that it causes IRL doesn't seem to translate.
The mascara that doesn't run. Passionate tears? Caught in a downpour? We don't care if it's waterproof mascara, you're still veering into raccoon territory à la real life person Lauren Conrad on The Hills.
The makeup that doesn't come off on his pillow case, or suit jacket, or towels. You've been there: You hug a guy, pull away, and realize with horror that your chin has left a slightly sparkly skin-colored smear right on his shoulder. But in Hollywood, this doesn't happen. Yet another reason to dream of being a star...
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